I lost my husband of 30yrs on the 13 November 2011 he was 54 to Pancreatic cancer, i dont know how to go on without him all i do is cry family and friends keep saying it will get better i know they mean well but they dont understand how i am feeling inside, i cared for him for 10mths i knew his illness was terminal but i put that back of my mind always thinking we would grow old together, ime so angry at the mo why did he have to leave me life is so unfair, i try to keep my self busy its not the same i did every thing for my husband and now feel lost, we had no children so all i do is sit there most days looking at the four walls, i do and try to watch movies i filmed of us but that makes it worse all i do is cry when i hear his voice, he wanted to be creamated and his ashes brought home so its a comfort because i know he his here with me and i do say i love you every morning and night, this is the first christmas on my own in 30yrs and i am finding it so hard my hubby loved christmas
Dear deprived of your soul mates, I lost my priceless precious wife on the 10th of December, 2011, from brain cancer - glioblastoma, or Ted Kennedy's disease. When we knew what she had, it only took 3 weeks because it had been misdiagnosed for about 2 months as a heart problem. Joan explicitly directed me to declare DNR, and wrote down "no heroic efforts". 2 weeks later she was gone in the way they described. The only good part of this type of cancer is that it's painless. After almost 3 weeks, I feel like I'm a walking dead man and can't even focus on TV programs without waves of painful crying ambushing me. I'm alone, retired and have a great family who'd be here at my beckoning but it doesn't seem to do much for me right now. I sure don't like hearing from some here that even after a year or two, that it's still so hurtful, but I think I do understand. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and I do recommend it because he told me just yesterday that grief past a couple months should seek out professional help. I consider myself lucky because I've been seeing him for a few years for insomnia The meds help me sleep at night, but everything in our home reminds me of her. I'm sure the rest on here have googled these things and know the wisdom of it already. I was told that it gets better with time, keeping busy and physically fit as possible. I wish it was a year later already.
Soul Mate by: Zoe
My John was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer On March 10, 2010 he died on March 21, 2010. I didn't even get the chance to have hope, or kid myself that he might get better. My John also sits on my dresser. I told him I was putting him there so he would always be with me. Holidays are hard, everywhere you go, everywhere you look there are images of warm families. We don't have that. Last year was my first Christmas without John, so I refused to have Christmas. Sent presents from On line never set foot in a store. For the record, it didn't work. It didn't hurt any less, the same tapes played in my head, the memories from before. This pain, this grief, it lashes us from one side to anothere, you never can quite get your footing. That is combined with a pain so intense that you can barely stand to breathe, much less actually talk to someone. Unfortunately there are no answers. I can tell you that the pain... it .... changes.. it takes a different form. Your mind does, eventually fight through so that you can exist through the pain. As always, when the pain is especially bad, remember one breath, one step, one day at a time.
Come here as often as you need to, we are here, we will listen and we do understand.
Lost my soul mate by: Pat J
Lorraine, Like you, I lost my love of my life and my soul mate on June 27,2011; the day after our 46th wedding anniversary. Does it get any easier, not really. I miss my husband so much, ust thnking about it causes this aful ache in my chest. I married him at the age of 18, right after raduating from high school. We have 5 adult children, 44, 41, 39, 36, and 35. They are very supportive to me, but they do have their own families and their life does go on. My life is forever changed; and lucky for me our secnd child, a son, still lives at home with me. He had discussed moving out, but with his dads death he has decided not to. He even tells me, we are the ones that lived with his dad everyday, and our life has really changed. All we can do is tke it one day at a time; these first holidays are difficult; everything without our spouse is difficult, but we are still alive and they would want us to be happy. Take it one day at a time, with Gods help. Pray to him,he and our spouse are always with us. God Bless you and know you ARE NOT ALONE.
I Know by: Anonymous
It doesn't,t get better. At least not yet. This is my second Christmas without my Roger. I do write him a letter every night. I tell him everything and end with how much I love him and miss him. There is so much I wanted to say to him so I say it in my letters. It makes me feel close to him for a while. The pain is so terrible. I hope you find your peace. I am still looking for mine.
We Here For You by: TrishJ
Lorraine~ I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband just a little over a year ago. For six months I lived my live in crisis mode. I cried, I kept thinking about that horrible last day when Joe took his last breath and asked God, "WHY ME???" Nobody around me understood because they haven't lost a spouse. I also cared for my husband. I was used to going 90 miles per hour with 4 -5 hours sleep at night. Then all of a sudden I had nothing to do. Nothing to do but watch TV and, as you say, look at the 4 walls. I do have two children but they have their own young families and work full time. The first 6 months is so hard. You feel like your entire world exploded in your face. The emptiness is so overwhelming. The pain is fierce. I didn't think there was much hope for me. I still have bad days where I cry if someone looks at me wrong. The holidays are hard. You can only take your life one day at time and don't push yourself too much. Your emotions are raw and need to be tended to. You have to try to make some sense of your husband's death. I never thought my husband would actually leave he. He went through so much and so many close calls. The doctors always managed to bring him back from the brink of death. Not that last day. God decided to take him ~ I have to live with that. I still miss him. That never goes away. I can tell you from my experience that it does get easier.......but it's always a work in progress. I have slid backwards a few times in the past few months. I still have what I call "dark days." Try to find just a little happiness today. God bless.
