Lost my soulmate 31 days ago

I lost my husband May 20, 2012. I am not only in shock but traumatized. He had a what I thought was a seizure and I call ed 911 but he was breathing then he had another and wasnt breathing. I had to do CPR on him and I felt his bones breaking and he was foaming from his mouth, it was a major heart attack. I cant see his face. I think because my mind blocked it. It makes me even sadder that I can't see him. I try to stay busy but like right now I am just sitting here crying. We had all kinds of plans he turned 60, 4 days before he died. I feel such a big hole inside. I have such weird emotions. As long as my friends or family are around I am ok not good just not crying. But when I am home or in the car by myself I break down. My friends tell me if you need anything just call, well I need Bill back so they cant help me. I dont wish this deep pain on anyone. I just want my old happy life back. I know its still new and hopefully I can figure out how to cope better.

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Jul 08, 2012
Loss of soulmate day 40
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for your loss. As time goes on I feel a little better. Yesterday was the first day I didnt cry once. I still had the sadness deep inside but I feel thats a baby step. Its now been 7 weeks. I stay busy but I let the feelings comes out. I started a journal and I write him letters on some days. What ever I feel like for that day. Things are definetly not normal and I am sure I wont know what that is for a while. I do try to exercise daily because it helps me sleep. I try also to go see friends a couple of times a week so I am not just sitting at home that will make me go crazy. I do feel alone sometimes but I have three dogs thats give me lots of attention. I started going to a zumba class and just being around other people seems to be good. Maybe that could help you too. I will keep trying daily to move forward and just accept my feelings for the day I am in.

Jul 07, 2012
loss of soul mate
by: Ev

I to have lost my soul mate and best friend, he passed on May 14, 2012. I totally have the same emotions and feelings. I am so lost, this once strong, confident lady is shattered and not sure how to move forward. We had plans, travel, wedding, this sucks I miss him so much. Even knowing his health was not good I am angry and mad that I never heard his voice tell me he loved me once last time.
I have family and same they were here the first few weeks, now am alone, with our dog who is 15 years old (just another loss coming) and the cat. I miss his voice, his touch, his kiss.
I feel for you also, thanks for listening as sometimes it feel like I just ramble on.

Jun 24, 2012
continued Lost soulmate 31 +3 days ago
by: Anonymous

I thought my emotions are crazy and I was the only crazy one. I live on a ranch with 5 horses that have to be fed and cared for and their is alot of other things that have to be done. I am thankful for that because I stay busy but I have to let my emotions out and cry, cry, and cry. It doesnt matter if I am driving the tractor crying or taking care of the horses crying. I didnt realize at first I needed to accept he died and let myself grieve. I think I was in denial like he was going to come back. I had friends and family here for the first 3 weeks so It didnt really set in until now. This has been a tough week. I am exercising so I can sleep otherwise I cant sleep, my brain wont stop thinking. I also make myself eat something because I am not hungry but I know I will get sick if I dont eat and that will make it even worse. I feel like I am doing things but Its am not me I dont feel anything except sadness when it hits me over and over all day. Its not any one thing it anything and everything. I know I will little by little be a new ok because the old ok is gone.

Jun 23, 2012
Lost my soulmate 31 days ago
by: Doreen England U.K.

Dear Traumatized,
I am so sorry for the loss of your soulmate 31 days ago. Because you are traumatized you cannot see his face or forgotton other things about him. You have good supportive family right now. As you say when they are around you are O.K. It is when you are on your own that the crying starts and you can't stop the pain. This is how it is for all of us. The pain is as if your soul is bleeding and you can't stop it. You had plans for your life. I know this doesn't seem fair. My husband Steve was 65yrs. He had retired. He was ill with cancer for 3yrs. 39 days and he was ill for the whole time. He lay down on the settee and couldn't get up. His quality of life was nothing. I had to watch Steve suffer the bad pain and also look into his sad eyes. He knew he was going to die but didn't know when. I am angry. Sad. Hurt. Crying. full of grief. We had plans. Steve was going to make furniture as he was a carpenter. We were going to travel. Now I sit in the lounge all day. I AM ALL ALONE. I am not motivated to do anything. I am not doing anything if I don't want to. If I do something I pace myself. I know I have to give time to grieve or it will get worse and be so locked up I won't be able to get at it and then I won't be able to function. So I have to grieve. Cry and cry and cry till I can't cry anymore. It is a horrible place to be right now and YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are all going through this at the same time as you. this is the language of grief. I am sorry for your loss and I hope in the days ahead you will get the support you need at this difficult time. I hope you will go on to feel better in the days ahead. Best wishes.

Jun 23, 2012
by: Anonymous

i understand what u are going thru, i lost my husband may 1 2012 from cancer. Everyday i cry and it's very hard to go about my day. Seeing his picture and looking into his eyes and knowing that i will never see him again HURTS SO MUCH.. Everyday i stare out the window waiting for him to come down the street. He was only 40 i lost my everything the day he passed.

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