Lost My wife and best friend in one day.

by Ted Rogozinski
(Manville Nj,USA)

WE were married for 32 years. She was a nurse on a cancer unit floor. So she new a lot about cancer . she had taken care of all types. Well about a year and half ago she had breast cancer and little bit in her lenfnods. Being married for 30 years then, I new what was to come. It was just a matter of time, before that day would come, when there would be no hope for her. Well my life ended on 2-6-2014 at 3pm. when the doctor call and told me my baby passed away , my whole world die right then an there. Siting there alone with just my puppy molly. that's all I have left . Her family was at the funeral on the 11th and after the repass diner that was it. No one would talk to me, I tried calling them, just to have someone to talk to, but they never called me back. I felt so alone, not wanted. So that's what happens after your wife pass away, your a nobody . I knew these people for at lease 34 years but after there sister dies that's it forget about him. I love my wife and miss her so much. Her sister went to all the treatments with her, my wife didn't want me to go. I had taken It very badly when my mom die of cancer, After her funeral , I went into my computer room and stayed there for at lease three or four days, but my wife got some help to get through it. So she new she was dieing but never let it on to me she was. She told me she was doing find. and the doctor had all kind trick in his bag to beat this thing. But I didn't be leave that at all. after she passed, My world ended, looked for help in all ways can't find anything out there. I'm so sad, lonely, lost, and no where to go. sorry if this don't sound to right use out there, but I am doing this a crying at the same time. This is the worst part or end of my life. To be alone, and my best friend an love of my life is not here to help me. I love you Baby, and miss you so much it hurts. I feel so alone. Thanks.

Comments for Lost My wife and best friend in one day.

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May 09, 2014
so sorry for your loss
by: Canada

Hello Ted, I am so sorry for your loss. Having lost my wife recently I know the pain you are feeling so I can say that I truly am sorry that you are experiencing this. I have lost both parents, two brothers and a sister and I felt extreme grief over their untimely deaths. I thought I knew grief but nothing prepared me for the loss of my wife and like you, my very best friend. My wife was diagnosed with a rare leukemia in late 2002. She was given a stem call transplant in June of 2003 and we were told that if she was very lucky, the transplant would give her up to ten more years and then she would be 11 times more likely (statistically speaking) than anybody else to develop a second cancer. They also said that this new cancer would not likely be in the blood but in an organ and perhaps a very vital organ. My wife suffered many complications because of the effects of the transplant but being the strong and courageous person that she was, she lived as best as she could. We had grandchildren, travelled and even lived abroad for 5 years. Twice she came out of remission and twice the doctors gave her a few months to live and twice she beat it. In May of 2013, almost ten years after her initial transplant, she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the esophagus. She was a non-smoker and non-drinker but the cancer in her body settled in her esophagus and quickly spread to her lymph nodes, lungs and bones. She underwent chemo and radiation to give her an extra 4 months to be with the family that she loved. She suffered intense pain and the doctors never were able to completely get on top of it. She chose to stay at home and I was her primary caregiver until she died. I lost my wife and best friend on February 13, 2014. I am relieved to see her out of pain but I cry for my pain. I cry for my loss. She was only 53 years old and we had been married 26 years. I miss her terribly and nothing I do seems to be able to fill the huge hole in my heart, my life, my very being. I am trying to focus on the many many precious moments we had together and blot out the mental images of her in chemo and radiation. She was so much more than that. Cancer took her life but cancer did not define her. She had poor health but a strong and vibrant spirit. She was strong willed and courageous. She was a Christian and she loved Jesus. She questioned why God was not healing her here on earth but she accepted even though she did not understand. She was and still is a role model for our girls. I will miss her forever. I truly hope that youo can focus on the good times that you had and what an inspiration your wife was to you. Take care

Apr 28, 2014
thoughts and prayers
by: Heidi

Hi Ted – I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I don’t think there is anything that could ever prepare us for how devastating and debilitating it is to lose our soul mate and best friend. Only until a person experiences it - do they truly understand - but even then it’s so different for each of us.

I miss my Mickey every minute of every day. It’s been almost seven months since the last time I was with him but it seems like forever. Sometimes my mind still can’t accept that he is not coming back home. He was ill but his death was unexpected. The shock of his death is wearing off and is exposing the cruel reality of never seeing him again in my lifetime. I pray every day that I can join him in Heaven. During his illness I prayed for strength to take care of him; to make the best decisions for him. But it was so stressful and exhausting and I wasn’t as sharp as I should have been for him. I constantly trace back the last year of his life and question everything…if only I would have done even one thing differently…could he still be here? He is my world and I need him so much. Lawrence, Doreen and others on this site offer such comforting and supporting advice. I re-read their comments often.

Hi Doreen – My thoughts and prayers are with you especially this week as you struggle through two years now without your beloved husband. I pray for your strength to carry on for your children and to bring you peace.

Apr 24, 2014
Sympathy and hope.
by: lawrence

Ted,
As a fellow widower I know the anguish and pain you are going through and needless to say you have my deepest sympathy, I feel so desperately sad for you.
I know just how you feel, the overwhelming agony and grief,, and yet the world outside seems so completely normal, the sun comes up and sets as if nothing had happened, people are laughing and holding hands, but to you a catastrophe has occurred, you have lost the love of your life and nobody seems to care, it’s as if you had become an embarrassment to the so called friends and family you had.
Believe me, Ted, I speak from experience having lost a very precious sweetheart and wife after being together for nearly seventy years and the loneliness is crippling I will never get used to coming into an empty cold house which used to be full of laughter and love.
But, this is our life now and sooner or later the tears will stop, although it is very early days for you, so must do what nature wants, which is to cry and cry and let your body and soul recover from this nightmare.
When you feel ready let me give you some advice which is….
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, don’t stay in and mourn alone, do anything that involves meeting people, join a social club where no doubt you will meet other bereaved husbands and wives, learn to play Bridge or a musical instrument, keep your mind occupied so as not to dwell on your heartache. ..
I lead a frantic life doing all the things I have just suggested and many more anything to try to ease the pain of my terrible loss, but I still come, at the end of the day, into a cold uninviting house, it’s not a home anymore, it’s just bricks and mortar, a house needs love to make it a home.
You are computer literate so write a book about your wonderful life together, who knows, it could be a best seller.
What I am trying to tell you is that there is light at the end of this tunnel of grief and you will come through it battered and bruised and start to live again, as your lovely wife would want for you, and you must thank God for the wonderful thirty two years you had together, most people are not that lucky.
You have joined a web site where everybody is grieving for a lost love so please write back and tell us all how you are doing.
.
With deepest sympathy.

Lawrence

Apr 23, 2014
Lost my wife and best friend in one day.
by: Doreen Uk

Ted I know how you feel. This is the worst LONELINESS and EMPTINESS in the world. I don't know why people turn away from us after the funeral when we need their support the most. THEY WALK AWAY. One day they will go through what we are going through and get a REALITY CHECK.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to a serious deadly lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. he died a slow painful death whilst I nursed him. He didn't want to die and it was the worst time of our lives. He suffered for 3yrs.39 days and died 2yrs. ago next week. This is such a very lonely place to be. My 3 Adult children are all grown up and leading their own lives. I have so many problems with the house repairs that I don't have support with and have to bear this without support. No one wants to know. It is a very lonely place to be. My husband was a carpenter and I was his wife and labourer for 47yrs. and I loved working with him. I learned a lot and used to doing the basics, but a lot I need tradesmen for. I am getting ripped off. I have a good knowledge of pricing. This is where it is easier for a man being skilled in these areas.
Ted the best way forward is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. This helped me move forward better. Getting out and meeting people is the most difficult place to know where to start, but once done it will get easier for us. It is so hard having to build up one's life at our stage of life. BUT we have no option to do this if we are to remain emotionally healthy and not suffer depression which can creep up so quickly. I am happiest when I am doing my gardening. You will move forward and life will start changing for all of us in time. Don't feel so alone. We are all going through this with you. I am so sorry for your loss.

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