lost not only my mum but also my best friend

mum and I were so close, went shopping together, saw each other nearly every day. She helped me bring up my daughter when my ex husband walked out. gossiped on the phone most days, now she's gone and so suddenly.

We had chatted on the telephone on the Monday before, said goodnight, see you tomorrow - but when I called round the next day I found her sitting in her chair. I had to call the medics, they had to break in and then I had to be interviewed by the police and wait for the undertaker to take her away, it was the most awful day in my life.

This happed just six weeks ago but seems much longer. Now, although I try not to I break down most days. I realise I have to carry on and in fact am arranging to join a ladies group and I have promised my daughter she can have a puppy in the hope that will ease the pain. But the pain I feel when I wake up each day is horrible.

I still have to take her ashes to place with my dads, but my brother is no help and now it looks as though I will have to see to this with my daughter. I understand that my brother may not feel strong enough but I would have appreciated his support.

My daughter keeps telling me that mum is happy reunited in heaven with dad - I have my faith and that does give me some comfort, but is there anyone out there that can help with how to stop the tears and how do deal with a broken heart

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May 10, 2013
lost not only my mum but also my best friend.
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your mum so suddenly. You can't stop the tears or the broken heart. These are symptoms of grief. To Cry is good because you are grieving well. You need to worry if you couldn't cry. It would then mean your grief is frozen. The early days of loss are the worst experience you can go through. You have such unbearable pain you wonder how you can survive another day. But you do. Take one day at a time. Only do what you are able to do. Don't work yourself to the degree you don't feel your pain. This would catch up with you later and your grief would be twice as hard and more painful. You could go and see a CRUSE bereavement counsellor since this has been a sudden death. You would have the space to talk about your mum and her sudden passing and you would be supported in your grief. It would help you also if you had your brother's support or that of another relative. Having some with you to share your pain does help.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 1yr. ago and I am only just now feeling my grief more. It is such unbearable sorrow. WE all have to MOVE THROUGH our Grief. This is the only way we will find HEALING. I have a broken heart and I don't know if it will mend, since we had a strong bond. I lost my mum 10yrs. ago and I have only just found myself grieving for her along with my husband. Often other deaths can be triggered from a recent loss. All we can do is go on each day and try to build ourselves up by doing at least one good thing for ourselves each day or week if this is possible and keep it going till we start to feel better with where we are in our grief. Your mum would have built you up as this is what mums do. You will have to do this for yourself and when you build others up e.g. your daughter you will build up your self esteem. Grief is a slow process. I hope that you will find the days ahead easier with supportive friends and family to help you each day.

May 10, 2013
I understand
by: Recently bereaved daughter

Dear Friend, My condolences on the sad loss of your mum.

I do not believe when you have lost someone so close there is an easy answer of how to come to terms with it. You are shocked not only concerning the death, but also on how to adjust to a life without your mum, who like mine was such a massive part of your life, and your daughters.

My mum died unexpectantly too - just as she seemed so much stronger. I had to make all the funeral arrangements alone. Family often leave it to the one who appears capable - not wanting to accept that perhaps we are not coping as well as it appears.

Whilst I struggle to get through each day, I comfort myself that my mum had invested in me so much love and confidence that many will never know.

If the pain gets too bad ring the Samaritians or perhaps join Gingerbread/One parent family support group, who help one parent families in a crisis. My experience of counselling was not good, so I am hesitant to recommend them.

I do hope your daughter who has given you comfort continues to do so, and you have the marvellous relationship with her that you were priviledged to have with you mum.
With every good wish.

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