Lost of A Love

by Patricia
(Las Vegas)

I've been doing better since I changed jobs. I discovered that a support group (and they help a lot to others) is pass what I'm feeling I need. This new job has become a support group in its own and keeps me hopping and making me use my brain on all levels. It's good exercise for the brain that's been idle and bored, left open for memories of the past and pain in my heart.
I'm still sad when I get home and open my front door because its not where I want to be. I still wake in the morning surprised where I'm at and wonder how I got here and finally say to myself "I guess I better get up for work" I go to sleep every night missing and wishing Billy were here. But he's not anymore. The anymore makes me sad.

My cousin is reaching the 1 year mark for her son. On so many levels we relate. It saddens me, no parent should ever have to outlive there own child. It doesn't seem fair, but hey...
Who ever said life was fair huh? I'd like to deck that person who coined that saying.
Sadness fills our world yet we walk and talk to the outside, work, shop and then carry our broken hearts home. They say home is where the heart is,,,, my heart is broken so where do I go??? I wonder at times if I've lost faith. We look for signs from those we love hoping, praying and wishing again for what we can no longer have. That's right... Life is Not Fair!

Sadness fills my soul, tears a river I sail on and broken pieces of ice in the ocean are like broken pieces of my heart.
There are days of good and days not so... but I'm here and so I remain until it's time for me to go...

Loneliness a constant companion but I will endure as we all do. I pray for peace in my heart, less sorrow in the world and a sunny happier day for those like us that travel this road of heartache, tears and pain for those we've lost.
I believe we all will be mended in God's time...
but until then ~
Always
1 step, 1 breath at a time, 1 year