Lost of A Love

by Patricia
(Las Vegas)

I've been doing better since I changed jobs. I discovered that a support group (and they help a lot to others) is pass what I'm feeling I need. This new job has become a support group in its own and keeps me hopping and making me use my brain on all levels. It's good exercise for the brain that's been idle and bored, left open for memories of the past and pain in my heart.
I'm still sad when I get home and open my front door because its not where I want to be. I still wake in the morning surprised where I'm at and wonder how I got here and finally say to myself "I guess I better get up for work" I go to sleep every night missing and wishing Billy were here. But he's not anymore. The anymore makes me sad.

My cousin is reaching the 1 year mark for her son. On so many levels we relate. It saddens me, no parent should ever have to outlive there own child. It doesn't seem fair, but hey...
Who ever said life was fair huh? I'd like to deck that person who coined that saying.
Sadness fills our world yet we walk and talk to the outside, work, shop and then carry our broken hearts home. They say home is where the heart is,,,, my heart is broken so where do I go??? I wonder at times if I've lost faith. We look for signs from those we love hoping, praying and wishing again for what we can no longer have. That's right... Life is Not Fair!

Sadness fills my soul, tears a river I sail on and broken pieces of ice in the ocean are like broken pieces of my heart.
There are days of good and days not so... but I'm here and so I remain until it's time for me to go...

Loneliness a constant companion but I will endure as we all do. I pray for peace in my heart, less sorrow in the world and a sunny happier day for those like us that travel this road of heartache, tears and pain for those we've lost.
I believe we all will be mended in God's time...
but until then ~
1 step, 1 breath at a time, 1 year

Comments for Lost of A Love

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Aug 01, 2011
today is my birthday
by: Cousin

....and all I want is my son back....I am having a tough day cousin....Eight more days till I have to relive the day he died....We both walk around with broken hearts but I wonder if we will ever fully recover or if this is where we have to reside for the rest of our lives....boy does it hurt....it hurts worse than anything I've ever experienced....
One breath....one step...

Aug 01, 2011
Lost of a Love
by: jules

Patricia - I am glad you are feeling fulfilled in your job - even though when you leave there is the emptiness of coming home - I know the feeling well - but we keep on going - as we must, as our loves would expect us to.

Yvonne - you say you don't feel you could help anyone here - I think this is really a "self help" place - just putting down "on paper" as it were, is sometimes what is needed to help us understand our own feelings and sense of loss. So write your story, share with us, we will not judge you, this is a caring, compassionate site, we are all in the same boat - we have all lost someone we love, and we are looking for understanding.

Each and every day - one step, one breath - this is what will get us through
take care

Jul 31, 2011
Me too
by: Anonymous

I relate so much to what you said. I go about my day walking, working, shopping all the while my heart is screaming out in pain all the time. I lost my son 6 months ago - and the pain is so ever constant. I feel like people keep looking at me to see if I am going to break or if I am alright.

If they only knew that I only allow them to see what I want them to see - no one can see the empty hole in my heart - the sadness that is so overwhelming. I know am not alone and wonder those people I pass in the store or see in public are any of them suffering like me. i Keep praying for strength through the sorrow - I know the pain will never end.

Jul 31, 2011
Thank you
by: Yvonne

Patricia I look forward to you writing here. I feel such a bond. I don't think I can help people when they tell their stories here, but you have helped me so much with all of you postings. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have let me know that I am not crazy, that some one else has these feelings and it is ok to feel them.

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