Lost sissy

by Jessica
(Springfield il)

my sis and me

my sis and me

Leanna was an amazing sister, friend and person. She had everything going for her in life. She was a established member of our community. Graduate of college first in our family. Amazing speaker and just all around person. Her tragic and sudden death that had every possibility of being prevented or something. Makes me not believe it.

I sit here and talk to friends and family and it's as if i am speaking of someone else and not my sister. I don't feel as if anything has changed. That scares me because when it finally hits me that its reality, it'll crush me.

I have a one year old son who was the shining light in my sisters life and if it wasn't for him i wouldn't of gotten thru the funeral. That's another thing, at the funeral i felt the need to comfort her friends and the other family. I didn't feel as if it was my loss.

Me and my sister fought all the time but it was because we loved each other so much and worried and cared about the other so much. I recently read some of her journal entries and found out that she was jealous that i had a kid first and had men in my life. And that kills me because i feel as if she hated me or something and i never got to even say goodbye or tell her i was sorry for the things i did to her or tell her how much she meant or how much i loved her, how much landon appreciated her and loved her.

I just am so angry that this happened, my mom didn't deserve to lose her, she was the family rock and she's gone...for no damn reason at all. She wasn't a bad person, she did all good and was a huge helper and this wasn't suppose to happen to her at all. i just don't know when it will finally become reality and when i'll be able to let go and deal with the anger of how this wasn't suppose to happen.

-Leanna's car stalled under a flooded viaduct and her and her friends went to push the car out the manhole opened up from the water pressure and sucked her under and pinned her down...she drowned while her two friends fought to save her life.

Comments for Lost sissy

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Sep 09, 2010
by: Anonymous

I read your story and so many things are similar. I lost my big sister about a month ago. I have a one year old son named Landon. In life I knew my sister was sometimes jealous of me and now I've read a page she wrote to me in her journal. My sister had been diagnosed with cancer...in her journal she wrote that she wished she could spoil Landon and that once in heaven she hoped God would let her look after me. This hurts to think about but is a comfort as well. I'm willing to bet if your sister had known and could have written something to you she would have said the same things. She loved you and she loved your child.

Sep 03, 2010
by: Anonymous

We all meet here because of a common bond. Grief.
We've all experienced it in one form or another.
Having lost my parents and siblings and feeling the loneliness just opens us up for other emotions, like shock, guilt, sadness, disbelief
hurt, depression, and on and on.

I can relate to what you're felling. It's normal to go through these different feelings. I will not attempt to say I understand, why these things happen.

But I do know that out there somewhere, you will
begin to cope with your loss. It scabs over, and gives us some protection from the pain. My last loss was 5 weeks ago and i still cry constantly
and don't feel like i belong anywhere, that I'm
alone in space, isolated from all life. But
we'll heal in a way, that makes it possible to keep living and moving forward. I'm trusting
God day by day. I pray that He will bless and comfort you also. My sincerely sympathy to you.

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