I lost my little sister in April 2010. She suffered from the torment of anorexia for years. It went on so long it almost became "normal" and I feel like we as a family just accepted it and stopped trying to help because it did no good. She rejected all help, even though she went through treatment, as soon as she got out of hospital she just fell straight back into the vile mental illness that is anorexia. Nothing we did helped. It had too strong a hold on her. I feel guilty beyond words. I try to remind myself that I visited her in hospital, despite working long hours,every day. I attempted to talk to her about it over and over. I took time off work to attend family therapy sessions with her. I paid for her private therapy. But I was her older sister and I just can't get past the guilt and shame of not being good enough to save her. I feel like a failure. I have a rage in me that explodes at the wrong time, at people who don't deserve it. I am suffering. I don't know who to vent the anger at, usually myself. I have low self-esteem and anxiety. I'm angry at various family members for not doing more. For not paying her enough attention. For not knowing what to do. It feels like dealing with a suicide. It needn't have happened. It could have been stopped. And now I'm left behind and causing pain to others that love me. Is this complicated grief? Will it get better? Will I ever be able to accept what happened?