Lost Soul mate....

by Lucia
(Johannesburg, South Africa)

I lost my husband 1 month after our traditional wedding and 16 days before our white wedding! If I never went insane in that period, I don’t think I ever will.

The 1st May 2011 marked 5 months since the loss of my husband, but it still feels like it all happened yesterday….
1st December 2010: my husband went missing, I could not get hold of him the whole day, and knowing him, he would not wake up and not call me. I called his office, only to find out from his pa that he has not been in since the morning. I started to panic. I work 130km from home, so after I knocked off I drove straight home. He was not there, I sat and waited till the following morning where my aunt came 300km to come and break the news to me that he was no more. He passed away on the 1st December 2010, at 11:30pm in a horrific car accident!

Initially the news came as a shock, but I quickly recovered, and started with the funeral arrangements. The funeral went well, and then there I was all alone again, after everyone has gone. Our honeymoon was pre booked, so I took my best friend and we went to Dubai for 10 full days. It was so hard for me, but also assisted by me getting out of the country. I cancelled the wedding, took back the gowns, and cancelled our rings, his suit, and all arrangements. Fortunately enough I had a wedding planner, who was able to assist in cancelling the arrangements. Now I spend the countdown to my wedding in organizing his funeral, picking his casket, the programs, it was all so unreal.

I thought I was ok, but grieve is starting to hit on me now…. I cry all the time, started to go onto depressant medication only after 5 months. I am starting to blame myself, I mean I was the last person whom he spoke to and I could not pick up that he was going to die the following day? I am also angry with him, how could he just leave me like that? Without saying goodbye!

I didn’t want to see his dead body; my mother said he was hurt badly, now I have dreams of him telling me that he is alive! This haunts me so much; a month doesn’t go by without dreaming of him saying that he didn’t die. This makes me to be so scared to move on, and I made it worse by not seeing his body to convince myself that it was him! I’m so confused and hurt, so disturbed and sad……

I am 26 years old, we didn’t even have kids, we were about to start our life’s together, how do I move on? I don’t even want to move on… I want him back.

Comments for Lost Soul mate....

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Jul 22, 2011
loss of my soul mate.
by: Jen

I'm grateful for all of you, I'm struggling I lost my soul mate 6/1/11 Everyday is hell I miss him very much, He left to New York on 5/31/11 for work and never returned he was killed in a fatal car wreck along with 2 others. They all died at the scene. I want him back so badly. He was my life, my heart, my breathe, my eternal companion and soul mate. I'm struggling because I want to be with him so bad, but I have 3 boys not from my soul mate, but my boys need me. I miss him so badly I can't breathe. Thanks again for sharing the experiences now I know I'm not alone
Jeni

May 23, 2011
PRAYING FOR YOU
by: Anonymous

IM SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSS. I ALSO KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THOUGH 16 MONTHS SINCE MY SOUL MATE PASSED AWAY WE WERE MARRIED 7BLESSED YEARS I CHERISH ALL THE MOMENTS WE HAD TOGETHER I LOVED BEING MARRIED. DEATH IS A VERY HARD AND EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE FOR ANYONE TO FACE THATS WHY WE ALL SHOULD TAKE GOOD CARE OF OUR BODIES WHILE WE STILL HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE NOT PUT JUNK IN IT WE KILL OUR OWN SELF THE RESTAURANTS ARE MAKING BILLIONS CAUSE ITS UNHEALHTY 4 US WHEN WE COULD EAT RIGHT IM NOT PERFECT EITHER BUT I KNOW ABOUT GOOD NUTRITION. WELL TAKE CARE. GOD BLESS YOU!AH

May 21, 2011
Lost Soul Mate
by: Terri

I completely understand your pain. I lost my husband suddenly as well. It has almost been 5 months, he died 01/11/11, and I still do not know the cause of death. The fact that I was not able to say goodbye, trying to remember my last words to him, it is all a fog. I found him dead collasped on the bed while preparing to get dressed for the new day. What was his last thoughts? I can not answer any of these questions and that will haunt me until the day I die. I am starting to forget what he sounded like, what he smelled like and that breaks my heart. Those are things I took for granted and now I no longer experience. I know hearing these stories does not help your pain but what does help mine is knowing that there are people out there that know EXACTLY what you are feeling. I dont come to this site everyday but on those days when I just cant stop thinking about it I read other stories and I know that I am not as alone as I feel. Prayers to you on your journey through this most difficult time.

May 21, 2011
Lost soul mate
by: Anonymous

Hi. I am so sorry for your loss, know those words don't help much. The first 6 months after a catastrophic loss, you are actually still in the shock mode, which I am sure is designed to help you do what you need to do. My husband died of melanoma on July 31, 2010, so I knew what was coming, but it is still a shock, but I cannot imagine what you must be going through. I also lost my mother to cancer in 2009 then my husband was diagnosed 2 months later, so I never got a chance to really mourn her death till now, so it's like a double whammy. This is a life-altering event, so get all the help that you need. Be aware that some of your relationships will be forever changed, also, and that you will never be the same person, but some of the changes can be positive. God bless you, Kathy

May 20, 2011
WHY????
by: TrishJ

Lucia~
My husband passed away on December 3, 2010 two days after your beloved fiance. I feel your loss and know the total devastation only too well. I was fortunate to have been married to my husband for 37 years. We were blessed with two beautiful healthy children and three wonderful grandsons. I was only 19 when I met my husband so he is basically all I know in my adult life. The pain of losing him after so long is overwhelming. It's like learning to walk all over again. I can't even imagine the sudden shock of losing your loved one in a terrible car accident. My husband was ill for 5 years with the last two years being really difficult. He was actually in the hospital more than he was home. Still....his death was a terrible shock and very unexpected. He was on a heart transplant list and seemed to be doing good. He woke up on a Friday morning not feeling well.....by 11:00 p.m. that evening, he was gone.
God has a plan for everyone's life. I was taught as a young child not to question God's plan. Why not? I can't question something I don't understand? Why did we go through so much for so long only to have it turn out as it did? I'm still trying to figure things out as God intended them. There is a reason why he suffered for so long only to lose the battle too young and leave me all alone and aching inside. Why did God bring this wonderful man to you ~ Have you place all of your hopes and dreams in him ~ and he's gone just as you were on the verge of experiencing the most joy life has to offer. How is that fair? I wish I had answers. I don't. I know God is a loving God but things aren't always easy to understand.
Some days I think I'm doing OK ~ other days I spend the entire day in bed crying, angry, don't want anything to do with anyone.
Soul mates don't come along every day ~ why do we have to be cheated of their physical presence? They will always be with us in spirit. Are we really supposed to work that hard to get to the place that we are thankful that we had them in our lives at all? I think so. It's hard to understand most days but some people never find true love. I have to learn to be gracious and thank God for giving me the time we had together.
I miss him so much. What I wouldn't give to just be able to spend one more day with him ~ sick or healthy ~ anyway I could get him. Just one more day.
Please come to this web site and vent. We are all going through the same loss. Our hearts ache. We wake up each day hoping today will be a little better than yesterday. Our loved ones have been torn from us and just like a flesh wound, healing takes time. It's never the same again ~ just like an open wound leaves a scar ~ we will be forever scarred in our hearts.
God bless. Peace to you! Some happiness today.
PJ

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