Lost Spouse of 43 years; Dad died 19 days later
Both of these deaths were unexpected. Both had massive heart attacks in the bathroom alone in December, 2010. It has been a year and five months and the grief pain is horrible. Today, Memorial Day was very lonely even though I have three grown children. Mother's Day was not any better. I miss my husband's laughter, the love he gave me. I try to do grief work, write in journals, but I don't have him to talk to anymore. I have to make all the decisions by myself. If something breaks, I have to make arrangements to get it repaired. I have alot of anxiety about the future. I don't know if I should stay in our home. It is a big four bedroom with a pool. I love the home, but down the road it will be too hard for me to keep up by myself. The thought of moving into something else worries me. I will have to do this by myself. I don't event want to think about it, but I do. Even though my children are grown, they still come to me for emotional support. It is hard to be a single parent.
My life is a struggle right now. I don't want to face the days without him, but I know I must. I keep telling myself one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. I pray that I get stronger and have less anxiety.