Lost Spouse of 43 years; Dad died 19 days later

by Susan

Both of these deaths were unexpected. Both had massive heart attacks in the bathroom alone in December, 2010. It has been a year and five months and the grief pain is horrible. Today, Memorial Day was very lonely even though I have three grown children. Mother's Day was not any better. I miss my husband's laughter, the love he gave me. I try to do grief work, write in journals, but I don't have him to talk to anymore. I have to make all the decisions by myself. If something breaks, I have to make arrangements to get it repaired. I have alot of anxiety about the future. I don't know if I should stay in our home. It is a big four bedroom with a pool. I love the home, but down the road it will be too hard for me to keep up by myself. The thought of moving into something else worries me. I will have to do this by myself. I don't event want to think about it, but I do. Even though my children are grown, they still come to me for emotional support. It is hard to be a single parent.

My life is a struggle right now. I don't want to face the days without him, but I know I must. I keep telling myself one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. I pray that I get stronger and have less anxiety.

Comments for Lost Spouse of 43 years; Dad died 19 days later

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Sep 24, 2012
Today Is His Birthday
by: Anonymous

My husband has been gone for twenty-two months and today is his birthday. It has been a trying day. I miss him so much. Life is not the same without him. How am I going to get thru this?

May 29, 2012
Too Much Pain
by: TrishJ

My husband passed away on December 3, 2010. When the one year anniversary of his death arrived I thought I was going to find some much needed relief to my pain. It didn't happen. I have been realizing the past 6 months how lonely my life is without my husband. I think I was just drifting for the first year, not feeling anything, just doing my best to get through each day.
I miss my husband more every day. I see other couples together and it tears my heart out. Our daughter was married in October 2011 without her dad there.
I'm trying my best but some days my life just doesn't seem worth living to me. Other days I realize what an impact I have in my grandson's lives and I know they need me. They are 12, 4 and 3. I think I need to find some purpose for this last chapter in my life but I have no idea what that would be. I'm 59 years old and lost.
God bless you. That's a lot of loss for you to deal with. You are human and can only handle so much. Be patient with yourself. I get very annoyed with myself and feel like I'm just not trying sometimes.
I hope you find some relief and joy this day. Try to think of your husband and smile. I know my husband loves me. That's what gets me through the dark days. Hang in there.

May 29, 2012
Maybe it doesn't get better.
by: Anonymous

I lost my Charlie 7 weeks ago. It scares me to hear how far down the road you are and yet you feel just like me. I keep trying to find a reason to live while still trying to do everything else. I live on a farm with lots of buildings filled with Charlie's (and my) lifetime collections - tractors, cars, motorcycles. The house is full too of things we love. I don't want to leave here or get rid of his things. I think I can afford to stay but how will I take care of it all.
Hoping we both find some answers - I wish you peace.

May 29, 2012
by: Mary

When grief is a steady visitor in your life, it is rare that you can move it aside. A neighbor of mine introduced me to another widow and she and I are started writing. Grief was at the table. Each week we shared the loss we felt. Our meetings provided some relief from our dark shadows. Having someone who responds that is a stranger helped me enormously. You might feel the relief, also. I invite you to join the blog Sue and I created: freshwidows.blogspot.com. We would appreciate your contributions.

May 29, 2012
So Sorry
by: Anonymous

Dear Susan,

My heart goes out to you. I lost my spouse of 22 years four months ago. I understand the pain and confusion you're going through. To have that followed with another loss is unthinkable.

I have nothing to offer except my best thoughts, and the small comfort of knowing that you're not alone. I understand.



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