lost without him

by Jacqueline

our family

our family

I lost, well I really feel like my soul mate was taken, from me. Me n my "husband" met in high school when i was 17 years old (I'm 25 now) i soon turned 18 n found out i was pregnant with our first child. We fell head over heels for each other before i found out i was pregnant. Having our son just solidified us as a unit. his family was outraged n never has liked me for it, however, we then (8 months later) got pregnant with our second child and raised our children n grew up together from teenagers to adults. Three years later we had our baby, a baby we planned and was blessed with (not that our older 2 weren't blessings but she was actually planned.) Fast forward a year:

Its been a year n we have had our bouts of fights n rough patches but we love each other none the less. I find out that my soul mate made the mistake of cheating. I leave, and we share custody of our children but we also maintain a sexual and loving relationship and try to work things out. He proposes, now at this time I'm not feeling like we have been working at our relationship long enough for marriage and honestly I'm still hurt. About a month after he proposes and i say no he takes a vacation with our youngest daughter and passes away in his sleep from an enlarged heart...

I've never in my whole 25 years of being on this earth experienced death in any form (small family, very little friends, n a sheltered life.) I am now a mother and a father of 3 gorgeous children, and am experiencing an immense amount of pain, sorrow, loneliness, anger, and all around hurt and i have no idea on how to deal with it. It has been a year officially on 10/24/2012 and I'm stuck in my loneliness n pain. It feels like there's a hole in my stomach, or someone has punched me right in the gut. I need a way to get over this, i find myself drinking or self medicating with anxiety medications. Its not healthy for me or my children but I'm lost and need help

Comments for lost without him

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Oct 31, 2012
Lost without him
by: Doreen U.K.

Jacqueline I am sorry for your loss of your soul mate. You are so very young to have experienced this loss and having to bring up 3 children all on your own. Perhaps there is someone in your small family who will stand by you and help you through your grief and be there for you in the difficulty of rearing your children.
You say you are STUCK. This is a clue that there is a blockage in your grief preventing you from moving forward. You could seriously benefit from seeing a grief counsellor who would support you all the way till you come out of this cycle of intense PAIN and Grief you are stuck in. There will always be a lot of pain and sorrow attached to grief, but you can be helped through this with the correct support. Especially since you are also trying to rear 3 children. You would want to be a good role model. Once the wrong patterns have been established it is harder to overcome these. e.g. drinking and taking large ammounts of medication. They will MASK your grief but you will eventually feel this as intense pain later on in life. Drinking and medication only represses the symptoms of sorrow and grief for a time.
If you can't afford to pay for counselling see your doctor he may be able to refer you to someone who has a sliding scale fee and you pay a quarter of the full cost. You could also benefit from having friends or A FRIEND who will stand by you and help you through this journey.
I lost my husband to cancer 6 months ago and so facing a lot of grief and sorrow. I was married 44yrs. and so my 3 children are all grown up. I have no responsibilities of children. Only a home and maintaining it on my own with my youngest daughter of 32yrs. still living at home but living an INDEPENDANT life. Since this is your first experience of grief I will tell you it is painfull for a long time, but you will in time start to feel better and happier with life again. How could you not? with 3 lovely children to bring up and lavish your love and time on. Best wishes.

Oct 31, 2012
God - The Link
by: Anonymous

The Lord is the only link now between you and your husband. (See, your heart doesn't know technicalities, and neither does mine. To me, the love of my life was my husband even though it wasn't on paper.) Pray, pray, pray. That's what has kept me from turning to alcohol, and able to be here for my 3 little ones. I will admit, so much in the beginning, I wanted to be with him. Even if that meant leaving my children behind. But then one day, I was shamed by a passage I read in the Bible about the shepherd tending to his flock. That God places the shepherd with the flock to take care of the weak lambs, to direct the lambs, etc. And, that, one of the worst things the shepherd can do (in God's eyes) is abandon the flock. So, I say, I will not abandon the flock . . . whether that be physically (death) or emotionally (alcohol). I will rise above my circumstances rather than stay pinned beneath them. I will show my children the woman he fell in love with. You can bring yourself back to that place, too. Be strong!

Oct 30, 2012
Lost without Him
by: Janet

Jacquelin, it does get better. I am so sorry for your loss and that you a a member of the club no one wants to join.
There is no timeline for grief, no rules, no instructions, no set stages that we go through. We all grieve in our own way and time. The pain eases but it never does go away.
Seek some professional help or a grief support group. Either or both will help you. I also understand that Hospice has grief support groups you can attend which are free. It really does help to have a good support system when you are going through grief. The people get it and do truly understand.
Check out some of the online sites for grief and for widows/widowers. There are several good ones out there. You might try www.soaringspiritslossfoundation.org, www.widowvillage.org and www.widowswearstilletos.com. These are all good sites and you will find the people caring and understanding.
One breath, one step, one day at a time. Wishing you Peace, Hope and Healing...

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