I lost my soul mate, partner and best friend 4 weeks tomorrow to cancer. We hadn't been apart one day in 20 years. He was diagnosed only 8 weeks before he died.
The pain and loneliness is unbearable and cruel. He was a very positive, upbeat happy soul who loved me intensely.
After diagnoses we both went into a tail spin of disbelief he was only 47. I think we both started grieving immediately.
We decided we were going to do this death thing together. He was admitted to hospital 17 days before he died with an infection he picked up. I said to him in the hospital that he wasn't going to die in there. He tried to protect me and said it would be easier for me if he stayed in the hospital to die. WRONG, he was coming home with me!
He got excited at the prospect of coming home once he knew I would be able to cope and that was what I wanted. Down in side I knew he would be happier at home and he was for a short 12 hours.
Being with him, holding his hand, looking into each others eyes up until he let go was the most special surreal experience we could have both shared. Yep we did the death thing together. He held my hand said he felt really nice and then squeezed my hand looked into my eyes and let go.
It was truly beautiful, peace, and free from pain at last.
It's only 4 weeks and the pain is unbearable without him. I still can't look at his photo's and find it difficult to talk about him without falling apart.
My soul has been torn apart and is in a million pieces. Not to mention the biggest part of my soul which went with him.
I feel like an empty shell, I want to be with him. I miss him terribly!
As a gay couple we have no children to share my loss. It was just the two of us, now it's just me.