I lost my mother to ovarian cancer eleven months ago. Thirteen days after diagnosis. My mother lived with me. Since my father's death nine years ago she became a shut in refusing to leave our home except to go to church and the cemetary. Never going to a reataurant, a store a family function.....Her physical illness came to me as a total shock. I am an only child and unmarried. She went from never stopping in her daily tasks to one afternoon complaining of flue like symptams to not being able to get off the couch so unusual for her as she never sat always did. Finally convinced her to go to doctor and we were told it was the flue, which seemed to only get worse each day....this led to vaginal bleeding and told she needed a D and C. She would not eat even though I would try a milliuon different things each day to try to entice her to eat something. Finally told she needed a D and C. Which was scheduled for last March 25, 2011. They thought she probably had fiberoids. Instead of the D and C at ten oclock on March 25, 2011 I was told my mother was full of cancer. I was told they did not know how she was able to function until December. I told the doctors they were wrong. My mother did not want to hear anything about her sickness. SoI would go into her hospital room and just smile. On April 7, 2011 she died never returing to the home she loved. We thought we were just going in for a D and C and would be home the same night. Little did I know. I refused to leave her side. I just held her hand. Know good byes, no anything. She had a horrible death that I wss not prepared for. I did not know anything about a death rattle that in her case lasted 72 hours. I could not stand her suffering and the shock of loosing her was more than I could phyically or emotionally handle. My extended family has been my rock but I seem to miss her more each day. I keep getting asked that since it is almost a year i should be feeling better. I am not I am finding it harder as the reality of not having her is becoming more real each day. I never thought it was going to be this hard. One councillor that I went to see said maybe I was feeling relief as I had been her care giver for nine years. I was insulted. I loved my mother with my entire being and took care of her with all that I had I was not relieved I was and am in deep mourning. People say life is for the living and I need to go on. How do I do that? My pain is real and strong and mine!!!!!!!