by Cindy

My husband had three great kids. They were here as often as they could be to vista and help with dad. My husband passed away in Sept and in Oct we had a service for him. Now the kids have gone back to there lives and now I am a lone. There mother has had health issues so I am sure that she is number one sense as his oldest girl said before leaving we had to set mom on the back burner now it was time to take care of her. I really am trying to understand yet I feel so a lone. Like my husband was the only reason the kids came around. I thought we had a good family fit. Like I said I am trying to understand but feel like I have been dumped. And the pain cuts like a knife.

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Dec 16, 2012
by: Doreen U.K.

Cindy I am sorry for your loss of your husband. It is such a LONELY Life for us widows now. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 7 months ago to cancer and I nursed him for over 3yrs. Because you are the second wife you will feel as if you have had to take second place in your husband's life. This is hard to accept. It will make you feel as if you are being dumped and of no significance because the children have put the needs of their mother above your own. Try your hardest to rise above this. Your LONLINESS and isolation is what is making you feel this way. You may have to move into another realm where you build up your own people structure to support you in your grief. Often our comfort doesn't come from the circles we move in. It does help if you have people around you who understand how you feel and able to support you the way you need this. A grief counsellor may be invaluable at this time to help you work through these painfull feelings that is in the way of you being HEALED, and moving forward. Grief will take time for us all to Heal from. None of us is coping well with the long journey that grief takes. Our whole life and world has altered and we have lost our structure. In time we will be able to re-structure our lives again. It won't ever get back to where we want it to be. We will need to find our way back. It takes time. Most people change and move away from us at the loss of a loved one. I face this and so does a lot of people on this site. We each have to find a way to resolve these difficulties for us so we can cope with Life.

Dec 16, 2012
Lost but Enlightened
by: Judith

Cindy, Step- parenting has it's drawbacks. My husband and I were married for 35 1/2 years his children were 5, 7, 10, 14 and 17 when we married. My son was 10. I only hear from one of them since his passing 2 years and 3 months ago. I never said one unkind word to any of them and cared for him 24/7 for 3 1/2 years as he went from vibrant to death. It is the way of some blended families. Even his friends and Brother that included me in everything leave me completely alone. I feel like you...just what was I to any of them. I can't believe they faked it all those years.

I am more enlightened now and know I was just an aquaintence never a friend. In fact his oldest daughter told me that they just tolerated me because of their Dad. How cold was that? After all I did for them, it was for naught all those years.

Oh well I at least am loved by the one.

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