by Cms8678

My mother died December 31,2011 from stage 4 renal cancer. I had her for exactly 3 months from the time we found out. By the time they found the cancer it was already into her lungs, her other kidney, and into her liver. When she passed it had made its way into her bones and her brain. I can still hear her voice when the dr. told us it was in her brain..." I'm scared to die.." To this day I almost want to puke every time I think back to that. My mother was my best friend, and the strongest person I ever knew. I developed anxiety, and panic attacks, and I do believe depression. I try so hard to get up and go on living but it's so hard, I just want to lie in bed and cry. My husband tries to understand but he can't, he is so lucky. His parents are in their 70's and he has them, my mom was only 46. We are trying to get pregnant, and I cry every time I think my child will never know her.. It literally takes my breath away. I am so lucky to still have my dad, but even he is so lucky to still have his mom. My heart breaks for him for losing her also, but we both have different broken hearts that neither know how each other feels. I just need to know will this get easier? Will I ever not cry on the way home from work because that was our normal goodnight talk? It's been 2 1/2 years and to be honest it's only getting worse..

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May 24, 2014
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

Dear Lost,
A mom is the heart of a family.
I was 29 when my mom died from breast cancer. She was 50 years old. She battled it for 11 years; sometimes in remission. I am now 67, a widow myself of 3 years on June 27th. My husband of 46 years, age 67 when he died, from a massive heart attack. We never get over the death of a spouse, but slowly learn how to go on without them; always loving them.
My mom will be gone 38 years on June 25th. She died the day before my 11th wedding anniversary; which is June 26th. My husband and I would be married 49 years, but death took him away from me physically.
You will slowly learn how to live without your mom, but I can tell you from my own experience, you will always miss her. When you have a child, you will have the opportunity to tell your child about your mom. You will keep her memory alive. I was 29 when my mom died, with 5 small children, ages 8-3months. I still talk about my mom with them and my grandchildren. She would have adored her great-grandchildren. She lived long enough to see all my children. I am grateful for that. It was her wish to live long enough to see them and she did.
Time heals our wounds, but never completely. I still talk to both my parents. They are both gone now, but I cherish my memories.
You will slowly feel better and the tears do lessen in time. My thoughts are with you.

May 24, 2014
by: Doreen UK

I understand how you feel having nursed my husband for over 3yrs. through one of the worst chemical cancers. He died in severe pain and I also had to look into his sad face knowing he was going to die and at the same time not believing this. My husband was in denial also, thinking the Chemo and Radiotherapy was going to save him, and I had to tell him it is only buying him time. He didn't want to die. I cried inside all the time whilst I nursed him and couldn't bear to let him go.
You are in the raw stages of grief and this is the very worst place to be. When you are caring for a long time you sometimes go into a lapse of not feeling and this can delay the grief. My husband died 2yrs ago and I feel my grief more now. You asked will it get better? YES! IT WILL. When you are in the stage you are in it can feel as if you will feel this bad forever. But you won't. The best way forward is taking ONE DAY AT A TIME. Even one moment. Your mother was so very young to die. Sad she won't see her grandchild you are carrying. My husband also won't see his 2 baby grandchildren grow up. They are so adorable. I am unhappy that he is missing this moment. He deserved to live and enjoy his retirement. He worked hard for 47yrs. and then dies before he could take it easy. This is so UNFAIR in life. There are so many people just like us going through each day mourning the loss of a loved one. We will each visit this territory again and it feels as if we will be in utter suffering a long time as we grieve the loss of our loved ones from our life. You won't feel each loss the same way. Some losses I coped with much easier. But the loss of a spouse has got to be the worst for me. I lost my mother 11yrs. ago and it took 9yrs. to heal. But I felt the trigger of grief losing my mother when I lost my husband. We can often feel we are moving forward and done with grief when a sudden memory will come back and hurt us all over again. Crying is good grief. So don't postpone tears thinking it is not convenient. I cried in the bank, the bus, the shower, walking down the road, the supermarket. Grief has no territory. Life will get easier taking one day at a time. No one will understand how you feel or what grief feels like till they have experienced this. So ignore any insensitive remarks, of people thinking you should be over it. This language comes from people who don't know any different having never gone though a loss. May God comfort you, and give you the strength for each day to heal from your loss of your mother. I also Ask God to comfort your father from the loss of his wife. Peace be with you all as a family.

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