Louise

My brave wonderful dad passed away Oct 7. I feel empty. He was wining the battle of a wheel chair after a back operation went wrong last year. After rehabilitation for 6 months he was so brave and returned home in a wheel chair to continue his life without complaining. Then cruelly he had a bowl infection and his organs failed. He passed away a day after with no warning my brave courageous daddy was taken from me. I am devastated my teenage children are devastated my mum looks lost my life will
Never be the same again. People think I'm
strong but as Xmas is approaching I can't do it any more. I'm do sad. I want my dad back . So much more has happened I just can't explain the rest. But I wish life was different. Everything is out of control on the inside. But normal on
The outside.
I'm
Lost

Comments for Louise

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Nov 22, 2013
So sorry
by: Ivy

Louise, I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my father 8 months ago and went through what sounds like the same emotions as you. At times, I felt like I was going to lose my mind or explode from the pain. I found this site and began reading others stories and realized that I am not alone. I know that this site was a God send, for me. I read stories on here daily and share when my heart tells me. The holidays I know are going to be very difficult and I am not sure how I will feel. We are going to light a candle at Dad's seat for Thanksgiving and try to just have an empty chair for Christmas. I can not imagine looking at the other end of my table and not seeing him there, but I also no that I am going to have to. I pray that God gives you and your family peace during the upcoming holidays. God Bless

IAH

Nov 18, 2013
Louise
by: Doreen UK

Louise I can't explain the grief a wife feels losing a husband but it is different to losing a father. The pain is more intense. But both losses deserve the respect in support. I am not minimising your pain and loss. My 3 Adult children lost a father and it was so hard to see. Don't smother or crowd your mother with too much attention as she needs the space to process her own feelings and her loss. If you do too much you will injure yourself. But be as supportive as you can according to her needs. Don't be afraid to ask your mother what she needs in support from you. Keep regular contact with her. Make sure she is not left alone too much. Keep memories alive by doing special things together even if it was only to have a mother and daughter day perhaps once a week if this is possible, or fortnightly, to start with. Tailor this in time. the early weeks, and months are the worst. I didn't get off the couch for 6 months. I used the oven and ate fast food. I lost my motivation. Nurturing myself this way helped me heal better. I watched TV and the God Channel. I took ONE DAY AT A TIME and still do. if I couldn't structure my day then I didn't do this. I did nothing. I enjoyed my freedom to decide what I did and didn't do. Then I started doing one or two jobs a day. One day cleaned the bathroom, next day the bedroom etc. I didn't do it all on one day. I paced myself. I accomplished more this way. I then did the garden. 3hrs. a day every week. I enjoyed being out in the fresh air. I am now painting different rooms. It gives me FOCUS and also some interest. I don't look ahead. So I never know what I am doing the next day. I am flexible with myself and I allow myself permission to do what I want. I am recovering better from my grief. But for your mother it will depend on what her lifestyle was. Did she go out much? was she a stay at home wife? Your mom will find her own level in time, but don't neglect the time you give to your mom and the time you spend with her. She will let you know in time what her needs are. Talk lots. It helps. Your mother must be allowed to grieve and not listen to friends or other people telling her she should be over it. One never get's over a death one just lives with this in time. triggers go off all the time. A favourite movie, music, type of food the loved one liked etc. and this can trigger off crying. This is normal and will go on for some time. Recovery is slow, but thank God there is RECOVERY. This give's one Hope to go on. Best wishes.

Nov 17, 2013
Dear Louise
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for your loss. I am also grieving the loss of my sweet father. He died suddenly from cardiac arrest in January. I am an only child, and so is my mother, so we are leaning on each other. They were together for almost 50 years, and she is so, so lost. I also feel like I am grieving for her. Her neighbors and friends are helpful, but they have their own families, and have moved on. I feel so SAD for her. While my grief and loss is horrible, her sense of loss must be unbearable. I have a family of my own, and am kept busy, but my parents were growing old together. They had a beautiful marriage and did everything together. Sadly I have no great advice to give, but I can offer you my prayers, my comfort and my hope that you both can begin to heal. I understand exactly how you feel. Hugs, Barb

Nov 17, 2013
To Doreen
by: Louise

Thank you Doreen for your kind words. I too feel very sorry for your loss. Please can you tell me how to help my poor mum.
She has stayed with us a few times to help her sleep but she is so lost I can see she is trying to be brave but its so sad.

I feel like I'm grieving twice 1 for dad and 1 for mum.

The horrible feeling I carry in my chest feels heavier and heavier. Her friends don't seem to think that evenings and meal times would be good for company.


Nov 17, 2013
Louise
by: Doreen UK

Louise I am sorry for your loss of your Dad especially at this time of year when life brings us together and we lose those we love from our life. I can understand your deep sorrow. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 18 months ago to cancer and my 3 Adult children lost their father. He loved Christmas and now I sit here with more emptiness as this is the time many more people walk away and often it doesn't make sense to lose more people at such a time. Your mom will find it especially difficult mourning a husband and having to go on in life without him. Every day I still feel my loss in such profound ways. It is so hard to pick one's self up after a death. I rely on God to walk with me each day and give me the strength to go on when life doesn't make sense anymore. I bathe my sorrow with God TV and the Spiritual music that comforts me. I guess we each have to find our own way back from grief and being on this site is one of the best ways to heal from our loss. I wish you all the support you need at this difficult time and for people to walk with you through your grief and may you find Peace.

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