Love at first sight

by Andrew
(Pennsburg, Pa)

A little over a week ago I met a woman and fell instantly in love with her, and the best part she did the same with me… We met on a popular web site dating service just as I was about to end my subscription… she picked me!!! The first date was in a very nice restaurant and we couldn’t take our eyes off each other as we made small talk… I began to tell her about my day, which included a rather bad trip to the hospital for blood work… When she asked me what the blood work was for I told her about my pending heart valve surgery. She looked almost devastated as she proceeded to tell me about her last boyfriend who suddenly died about 4 months earlier and said she wished I didn’t tell her about this, but I felt I needed to be honest and tell her. As the night went on we talk off and on about her loss and my surgery all the time feeling more and more attracted to each other. In the proceeding days we texted, talked on the phone and met when we could. Every now and then the conversation moved toward how fast our feelings were developing and the need to slow things down… I believe her loss is too great to allow her to start a new relationship, as she is not finished grieving her last boyfriend. I really do understand her grief and do not want to push her or force her into a relationship until she is ready, but I feel she is feeling guilty about moving forward. I am not in a hurry… I do want to help her… I do want her in my life and I believe she wants me in hers.

Comments for Love at first sight

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Mar 31, 2011
Give her time
by: Anonymous

Andrew,
Give her some time.
I don't know how long she dated her prior boyfriend or how old either of you are, but four months is a very short time after her boyfriend's death to make a commitment to someone else.
You can keep the lines of communication open with her (check in with her weekly as a friend) and if it is meant to be it will develop in its own time frame.
Just don't pressure her or you will both regret it.
Best of luck and I hope you do end up together at the right time.

Mar 31, 2011
SLOW DOWN
by: JUDITH

you must give her time to get over her previous loss. Just slow down don't move too fast. If it's a real connection then time will be on your side. Just be her friend for now , truly get to know one another other than a physical one for now. Be real about your expectations and she hers.

You can be strongly attracted to someone immediately but How can you fall in love with someone you don't know a thing about. It goes way beyond looks. What about temperament, likes , dislikes, things in common and what you will feel when the "real life" of problems and health concerns begin with them ?


Good Luck.

Mar 31, 2011
ANDREW
by: Anonymous

I just want to say that time doesn't have a clock
to go by, when it comes to the heartache schedule.
We all have to go through this personally. Four
months is just the beginning. Be patient with your friend. When she has journeyed far enough
away from her pain, you'll know. Bless you.

Mar 31, 2011
She is probably still hurting...
by:

Andrew,

I think that you are right. Four months is not long at all in the grief marathon. I can not speak for her as far as how deep her grief is. I am wondering if she started dating too early looking for some relief from the horrible loneliness that takes over.

I too wondered about simple companionship, not dating a month ago and realized that I a not ready yet. 16 months of grief trying to learn to like myself before I can allow anyone else in my mind or heart. Grief really does a number on your self esteem, or it did me. I felt that I was nothing without my husband that I was a mere shell of who I was.

I am just now starting to heal. My best to you, if it is meant to be it will. When I fell in love with Paul there was no stopping it. Right man wrong time. I took the risk and she has to be ready too. My best to you...butane

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