Love Is Pain

by Tasha
(Florida)

It was 2002 when I met the man of my dreams. He was such a sweetheart I just knew I hit the jackpot. We had so much fun together. Then wham, in 2004 he got arrested and got sentenced to 4 years in jail. He had never told me he did anything wrong when I asked him in 2002. So yes I felt he betrayed me. My world shattered and on top of that my grandma who raised me died the next month, so I had to deal with all this grief all at once.

I was a total wreck after all that. I was using drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. I was still being a devoted girlfriend by going to see him for two years straight in jail, until one day I could not make a visit because I had to go to my son's football game.

This is when he decided to break up with me. He said he could not deal with that stress in jail. I thought you self-centered prick. Well in 2008 he got out and surprise surprise he called me at work and I was so happy just to hear his voice. So I took him back; we moved in and that was a total disaster we have never lived together before.

He was abusive mentally and physically and before jail he was never like that I just don't know what happened to him. He started accusing me of sleeping with people because I was not sleeping with him but how could I after all the abuse? Am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable with him in that way? Well long story short it has been 2 months now he has broke up with me again. His reason is that I am not having sex with him so I must be having it with someone.

I am so hurt, angry and in pain wondering why something so right went so wrong? But yet still wondering if he will come back to me. I still have ties with him, his cell phone is in my name and my car and insurance is in his name which his name is on the car loan so I think this is what is making me have hope.

He has not called me to talk about what happened between us. I did write him an 8 page letter telling him how I felt. I have seen him twice at the gym we go to and he just talks like nothing happened.

But when I text or call him about something he acts rude. My thing is I just can't let this go with out talking it over with him. Question so should i just let him have his space and call when he is ready or should I call?

I know one thing I have learned that he is a runner when things get to complicated for him, and something in me wants him to face those demons. I guess I just love him so much that I can't let go. Oh this hurts so bad, I just want to fight him for doing this to me again.