Love of my life gone

by John
(Akron, Ohio)

My beautiful, loving, sexy, wife passed away July 24 2011 with no warning at all. We have 3 girls together and all of them are crushed. She was only 44 yrs old and never showed any signs that would have made her go to the doctor. I miss her every day...hopefully soon I will be able to think about her and not be drawn to tears. She was my best friend, my lover, and the most wonderful mother to our three daughters. I don't know what to do...I am lost without her! my girls were raised right...1 got straight a's on her first report card as a high school student...1 is a junior in high school and got all a's and two b's...and my youngest who is in 5th grade got all b's...I know mom is sooo proud!! I just wish I could know what to say to them when they say " I miss mommy!!!"...It breaks my heart. Plus...I hate to be alone...I don't know how to meet anyone and I don't know if it would be fair to try and meet someone right now...My wife set the bar real high!!! I feel like I am trapped...hopefully someday I can move on...I know she would want me too!!! I miss her so much and I just wish she was here..especially for the holidays...all the fun we used to have...Denise know this..I love you and always will..your girls all have a special little piece of you in them...they are what keep me going right now...thank you for the best 26 years of my life...I wouldn't trade it for anything!!

Your loving husband

John

Comments for Love of my life gone

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Dec 05, 2011
Love of your life
by: M Mack

John,

I am sorry you lost your love so young. You have come to the right place not only for comfort but good sound advice. Everyone here has gone through the loneliness and some days are better than others. Your kids may look like they're ok but Im sure there will be days that they will need you more than ever. As a family, focus on each other, stay together to support one another. Denise is with all of you in spirit and she knows you will take care of her children. Six months is still so new to grief. Grief takes time and everyone's is different. I know you want a distraction from the loneliness but how can another relationship help you and your family? Maybe give all of you some time, sort things out, love each one another. The upcoming holidays can be tearful for anyone who suffers a great loss. Dont take this the wrong way but you need time. Go easy on yourself and take care. Its good that the kids are doing well. There are alot if support groups out there and use this site as often as you need to. My best to you and sending prayers as you move forward in grief.

Dec 03, 2011
Take your time
by: Vickie Calif.

John, What the other ladies said, is so very true. It hasn't even been a year. I lost my daughter a little over two yr's ago and I am doing better but it is still very difficult. I was with my boyfriend for around three yr's at the time of my daughters car wreck. He is a good guy and we had planned on marriage, but after my daughters death I wasn't ready for that. He asked me this past Feb. and I am not sure if this man can handle me for the rest of my life? We are not that old. He loves me and I love him, but he has never had any children of his own-so he can't even begin to understand the bond a parent has with a child. He has been good but now that two yr's has passed since her death, he seems to think I should feeling better. He realizes I will never get over it, but at the same time he doesn't get the pain I am dealing with each day-the magnitude of it. We have no plans, or date set but I am honestly having my doubts. I don't want to be alone, but I am tired of feeling guilty for missing my daughter. My daughter left behind a little girl. My son-in-law recently met someone and so far she seems to be very happy. I can only hope and pray that this new person understands the seriousness of what her role will be and that she will be facing many challenges. Your girls Need to be accepting of anyone that you may meet in the future. I imagine they will be defensive and protective of you as well. When you do start dating-be open with them and remember they are fragile. Bringing different people in and out of their lives will be not easy. You don't want to take someone they make like 'away' from them again, if your not serious enough about them to continue on.

Remember there are many people here who care and understand your pain and the magnitude of your loss. It is hard to find people even family and friends that can understand our pain.


Dec 02, 2011
Time Is The Answer
by: Judith in California

Ohn, Trish said what most of us will say. She has sound advice and insight. I too am in this a year and two months and feel your loss is too soon to try and move on with someone else. Your girls will resent a new person so soon afterwards. I think they would like to see that you cared more for their Mother and grieved longer than 3 months. And when you do choose choose not just for yourself but for those children and let them have a say and don't , what ever you do, choose someone they don't like because life will be most difficult if you do. The grief process is a long arduous one. Give it time

If you choose to find someone now so early in your grief it will be a rebound situation and can only fail.

Please ask God for guidance and strength .

Dec 02, 2011
Be Patient........
by: trishj

John~
July 24th wasn't that long ago. It hasn't been 6 months yet. Your grief is still very new.
It wouldn't be fair to try to move on right now. Your girls especially are not ready to have a new woman in your life.
I'm sure she's out there. You need to get through the first year before even considering a new relationship. I know you are lonely. Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my husband's death. I'm starting to frighten myself. I'm way too calm. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow but I know this year (and his death) have been the most difficult thing I have ever faced.
Your wife would be proud of your girls. They need you so desperately right now.
Our grief is so strong because we loved so deeply. You will find someone. She needs to be someone who loves your girls as much as you do. Just be patient. Love will find you when you least expect it.
God bless. Hug your girls tight and be there for them. You need support too though. Take care of yourself. If you have a good friend or someone you can talk to - lean on them.
Happy Holidays.

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