Love of my life

by Karynn
(Louisa Ky)

I lost my husband John on January 29 2011, his death was completely unexpected. He had went to the hospital for back pain, and it ended up that he was septic from having a callus removed from his foot. No one ever told me that there was a chance he would not make it, I knew nothing until they were coding him. John was my best friend and soul mate, we would have been married 19 years on July 23. I dont know how Im suppose to get on with my life without him. We spent all of our time together, our kids always teased us and said we weren't normal because we got along so well. The first couple of weeks were pure hell and then I had to go back to work, which was probably a good thing, even though I cant stand to leave the house. I feel like my life has no purpose now, I know I have to go on for my kids and grandkids, but its like i'm playing a role instead of actually living. I try to act normal around people, but to be honest I just want to feel sad, if I laugh or smile I feel guilty, and I know he wouldn't want that. I just miss him so much, he was the most wonderful husband, father and grandfather. All he wanted out of life was to make me happy, and he did a great job at that. Thanks for letting me express my feelings and my deepest sympathies to everyone here.

Comments for Love of my life

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Mar 29, 2011
It Does Hurt...........
by: Anonymous

I am right there with you. I lost my wonderful husband of 40 years the same week you did. He died on Dec. 18 and we had the funeral on Dec. 21, 2010. There are days when I am totally paralyzed with grief. However, I want to honor him for who he was and I have I made a decision to do that. One of the best ways I can think of to honor him is try moving forward in my new life. I don't know normal will be, or if it will ever be normal again.

My husband had a heart attack, but they kept asking me if he had been sick. He had some kind of infection that went "septic" and caused the heart attack. I didn't understand what that meant either, I was too concerned about the heart attack.

I fell in love with him because he made me laugh. He made me laugh all the years we were married and I know he would want me to laugh now. It isn't as easy, but I try to. I know he would want to me live and in living this new life, I will give him the best gift I can give him. I would want the same for him if the situation were reversed.

Take a tiny step, tell him you love him and give yourself a smile just for today!!!!

Mar 25, 2011
another widows thoughts...
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband the week before Christmas 2010. He had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer one month before his death. We had been together since our teens and married over 30 years. We had no children.

I understand your sadness and the feeling of loss. How will I survive? Family members mean well by trying to be there for you, but sometimes you just need time to be alone with your thoughts and cry. Your life is changed forever in a way that no other family member can ever understand. Our relationship as a spouse is different, special and more intimate than any other family relationship.

My husband loved music and I have found comfort some evenings by listening to his ipod. But my emotions are on such a rollercoaster that some nights a song will bring me comfort and the next night I cry my eyes out at the same song!!! Just go with the flow. Crying is therapeutic. I have also sought counseling from a professional that has helped me. Since sleeping at night was nearly impossible, the counselor advised me to set up a routine at bedtime similar to the routine my husband and I had. Hold his picture as you lie in bed, tell him about your day (good and bad), imagine the response you would get from him and kiss his picture good night. It has helped me somewhat over the past few weeks.

I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but my faith taught me that one day we will be together again and that is what has helped me get through many moments.

I will pray for all of us on this site, that we find peace and relief from our pain soon.

Mar 25, 2011
I'm with you!!!
by: Vangie

Like you, I just lost my Jess (HoneyKo) Feb. 23, 2011, my husband of 10 years. He's is My Life, My Love and My Bestfriend. It's hard and unbearable knowing that you won't be able to do the things you used to do with your loveone. Like you, we're unseparable, we watch our programs together and are always together wherever we go, whatever we do. When I was reading your post, I felt like I was reading about myself, I feel the same pain that your going thru. I honestly don't know how to live without him but like you I have my parents and relatives to live for. I miss him terribly but knowing that he doesn't have to feel no more pain, and that he's with his Grandparents, Parents especially his Mom whom he loves and adores,I keep that in mind everytime I am about to emotionally crash and burn. Jess, my love, I MISS YOU & I LOVE YOU ALWAYS & FOREVER and I shall see you Again.

Mar 25, 2011
Good To Cry.....Better To Laugh
by: Patti

Karynn~
My son said to me several weeks after my husband died (4 months ago), "Mom I had the most awesome dad. He was the best." Yes he was. I also had the most awesome husband. My 3 little grandsons had the most awesome "pop pop."
This is a horrible journey. The trip from hell. We are all just trying to make some sense out of this pain. WHY? WHY? WHY?
We have to take it one day at a time. I almost drove myself crazy worrying about what was going to happen in 6 months. What if I can't find a job? How am I going to pay the taxes? What will I do without him?

It's lonely, dark and twisted. I'm currently in a living situation where I have to put on a happy face for my family. That's my first step.......change the living situation. I want to cry and be by myself and it's difficult. It's actually a proven fact that it's good to cry. It's also good to laugh. I'm not laughing much right now but I hope that will change sometime soon. Let the tears flow and flow and flow. Don't try to stop them. It's when you try to stop the tears that the real problems begin.
Death is just so final. They're gone ~ not coming back.

God's blessing to you. I will pray for both of us for relief from this terrible pain. Hopefully with God's help we will both be able to laugh again. One breath, one step at a time. Hugs to you.

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