Love of my life

by Pat J
(Green Bay, Wi)

This is my second post. It was 3 months on August 27th that my husband of 46 years died, of a massive heart attack. I don't cry quite as much, but at times the tears still come. Going to church is hard for me. I always shed tears at church. I cry to the cemetary to visit his grave, get there and the tears stop. Get in the car to come home and the tears start again.
My adult children keep telling me they want me to be happy again and that their dad would want me to be happy again. I want to be happy again, but it is so hard when a persons heart is still broken.
I went back to work. I really didn't want to, but my children said, mom it will be good for you, you can't stay home and be sad all the time. Going back to work does help, but I still come home to an empty house and go to bed by myself, yet I still imagine my husband laying beside me. I just filled his side of the bed with all the decorator pillows from the bed and I hug his fleece jacket and say my rosary until I fall asleep.
I am sleeping better and my eating has gotten a little better. I eat my dinner in the living room watching TV on a TV tray. I just can't sit at the table by myself; when I do that the tears just start falling. I am just doing what I have to do-faking it until I can make it.
Our church is offering a Grief Support Group for 6 weeks on Tuesday evening and I joined it. I am hoping to come out of it a little stronger and maybe even make a few new friends, who understand what I am feeling and going through.
I keep praying to my God and my husband to help me get stronger. I tell my husband good morning when I wake up and at night I tell him, good night sweetheart, God Bless you and I love you. We did that when he was alive and I will continue it even though I no longer hear those words from him, yet feel he is telling me the same.
I guess I just never imagined how much it hurts when you lose a spouse. I still feel a part of me died with him.
I am grateful I found this site and will continue to visit.

Comments for Love of my life

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Nov 27, 2011
Love of my life
by: Lisa

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dear sweet husband passed away on August 27th this year also. I can't believe it's been 3 months today. :( Your post is me to a tee except I don't have children....only 2 poodles. I too find visiting my husband's grave calming....our double headstone was placed the day before Thanksgiving...I guess that's my last real gift to him! *sigh* anyway....I just want you to know that I'm praying for you....for all of us!!!!! Love & Prayers!!!


Nov 07, 2011
My Garry
by: Kay G.

Hi Pat...I just read your post 'Love of my Life'
I sooooo relate to your message as I too have lost the love of my's been almost two year now, and at times feel like it was just yesterday..we were married 45 years when he passed, we grew up together and were growing old together..I never knew life without him, and have never been alone..
It's sooo hard going down this path of pain, the grieving is unbearable at times to say the least...I too returned to work thinking it would help but finally had to take a leave to try and pull my life together, trying to start a new life without him...not knowing which way to turn is one of the hardest things.. one day I think I have it all figured out and BOOM it all falls apart the next...It sounds to me that you are in about the same time frame as I in your grieving process. you say you have your family and friends as I do, but it feels like it's just not enought for they do not understand your true feelings...
'Which way to turn' I wish I had the answer to that question..but with the help of God we will make it "one day at a time" just wanted to let you know you are not alone.... we widows all understand and feel your pain...God Bless...

Oct 10, 2011
My mum just lost the love of her life too, my Dad
by: Lily

We lost my Dad 3 weeks ago. He fought cancer for over 3 years and lost the battle. I spent alot of time with him and my mum back home in Australia towards the end. It's a devastating loss for my whole family, however I can't even begin to imagine how my mum feels. My parents were together for 50 years, he was her soul mate, best friend and the love of her life. I said to my sisters that we all get to go on with our lives and find some semblence of normality again with our husbands and our children, but for mum its a very different story. At present she is still staying with my sister but will go home this week and I know that she is dreading going home to a big empty house. I know that it will never ever be the same without my Dad. I just don't know how my mum is going to cope without him and I know some days she does not want to go on!
I know she knows just how you are feeling. You are not alone.
I am terribly sorry for your loss!
Lilian x

Oct 07, 2011
Sorry for Your Loss
by: Jackie

I am sorry for your loss. I also lost the love of my life due to a massive heart attack Nov. 2010. I joined a grief support group it was healing to be around other also grieving. I also met one on one with a grief counselor. Grieving is very exhausting. Go at your own pace do not let anyone advise you to do anything you are not ready for. I also dislike coming home to a empty house. I had no idea either how heartbroken I would be after Bob's death. My favorite saying these days is When Life is too hard to stand Kneel. May God Bless you. Keep praying and talking to your beloved husband. This site is wonderful. It has been a God send. It helps to know others are going thru what We are going thru. Take Care of yourself.

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