Love of my Life
I lost my husband, Huey, 6 weeks before our 41st anniversary. Our story is long...and he was inspiring...
But that doesn't help with what I go thru now. He passed away March 12, 2013 here at home.
He had Small Cell Lung Cancer Extensive. I don't know how to explain the pain I feel. People try to
be nice, say things that I want to scream and say, no it won't get better, and no I can't get thru
this. Then I get where I think oh thank God I am finally getting better, then it hits again.
He was only 63 years old, we had our golden years ahead of us. We have two grown daughters, they are struggling with losing their Dad. We have 4 Grandsons, three that are 17 and one that is 19. Everyone tries to comfort me but I find no comfort in anything. I even don't care if I die. Yes I have kids and grand kids, but that is not the same as my soul mate. We were 19 and 22 when we got married we grew up together, raised our family. How do you ever replace that.
People tell me you are still young you can meet someone else. I don't ever want to meet someone else, because I never ever want to feel this way again. I never want to love someone so much that this kind of pain is what you go thru. I loved my parents with all my heart, and have lost them both, but this pain is worse than that ever was.
I go to work, I come home and the house is so empty. My oldest grandson lives with me, but works, goes to college and is barely here. I can feel Huey here at times. When he first passed my daughter and I said this living room is so cold (we had a hospital bed in the living room and that is where he passed) and the room was never that cold before. You could not get warm in that room.
It has subsided some now, but I still can be sitting in there and a cold chill will go over me clear to the bone. I am sure his spirit is here. I keep looking for other signs, one day at work a feeling came over me like he was speaking directly to my heart. I even wrote down what he said cause I was so amazed by it....This is what he said...I did not die, my body did. I love you more now than ever. I will
always be with you and we will be together again.
I thought I might be a little crazy when I heard this...but I take it for what it is...
I was outside talking to a friend from across the street one day...and I have looked at this big tree in their yard many times before and it always looked round. That day and still, it is heart shaped. I had to look at it twice when I saw it cause I couldn't believe it. Just last night I showed it to one of our grandsons, he said that is awesome Grandma.
I am going to seek a medium and a friend at work said her sister has one come to her house sometimes, so one of our daughters and I want to go. One of our daughters lives in the town I do and the other in Florida. We will see what they have to say. This is my story on where I am right now and will be anxious to see where I am in a few months from now. I know I am not the only one who has lost a husband, but I am the only one who has lost this husband.