Love You Miss You Always...
You were my once in a lifetime
April 6th 2013
Once again it is the 6th of the month. And should I forget what day it is I get a reminder as my phone is paid automatically on that day. Long gone are the days where I ask for painful reminders of you to keep your memories alive. My grief has evolved these 3 years +. I have grown stronger alone without you at my side cheering me on letting me know at the end of the day that everything would be o.k. I think that I miss that the most.
Our son turned 15 March 27th. I thought that the days preceding his birthday brought me anxiety and worry because I did not know if anyone would be able to come. I know that somehow you know from beyond our son was diagnosed with Autism 6 months after you died. It is called Asperger's or high functioning autism.
Looking back on his birthday last month I realize it was not just anxiety over who would show up at the bowling ally for his birthday but how could I have survived all this time without you? He was only 11 when you died.
Why do I still Miss and Love you? Why can't I just allow you to be part of my past?
As I fight for our sons education, try to get him into social groups, seek counseling for his depression and suicidal thoughts I miss you more than ever. I need someone to lean on and your not here! I miss talking to you at the end of the day. Telling me even if it is a lie that everything will be o.k.
I am angry, lonely and tired. You did not choose to leave me. So why my Love does it still hurt?
Your wife forever,