Love You Miss You Always...

by Hope
(Tappahannock)

You were my once in a lifetime

You were my once in a lifetime

April 6th 2013

My Love,

Once again it is the 6th of the month. And should I forget what day it is I get a reminder as my phone is paid automatically on that day. Long gone are the days where I ask for painful reminders of you to keep your memories alive. My grief has evolved these 3 years +. I have grown stronger alone without you at my side cheering me on letting me know at the end of the day that everything would be o.k. I think that I miss that the most.

Our son turned 15 March 27th. I thought that the days preceding his birthday brought me anxiety and worry because I did not know if anyone would be able to come. I know that somehow you know from beyond our son was diagnosed with Autism 6 months after you died. It is called Asperger's or high functioning autism.

Looking back on his birthday last month I realize it was not just anxiety over who would show up at the bowling ally for his birthday but how could I have survived all this time without you? He was only 11 when you died.

Why do I still Miss and Love you? Why can't I just allow you to be part of my past?

As I fight for our sons education, try to get him into social groups, seek counseling for his depression and suicidal thoughts I miss you more than ever. I need someone to lean on and your not here! I miss talking to you at the end of the day. Telling me even if it is a lie that everything will be o.k.

I am angry, lonely and tired. You did not choose to leave me. So why my Love does it still hurt?

Your wife forever,

Hope

Comments for Love You Miss You Always...

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Apr 11, 2013
You"re a winner Hope!
by: Tom's Rose.

Do not despair that lovely photo of you and your late husband tells all. You inspire love and trust. Those looking for these qualities will seek you out. Engage with people. I am 9 months into this lousey journey. I almost lost my way, then my kids sent me pictures. These pix show my Tom digging the hell out of me, and I him. That love and magic will sustain you. You are a worthy individual. Let others help you and pay it foreward when you can. May Gods blessings be with you.

Apr 09, 2013
Dear Hope
by: Judith in California

Hope , my dear RFG friend, the challenges never stop. It seems one ends and another begins. And for 3 years we face them alone. It's such a strange feeling to have to deal with it all with our loves gone, never to help us or encourage us along the way as they used to.
As always your picture makes me cry..with you for your loss and for my own. There's some things we don't know but we do know we will always be our husbands wives.

I pray for you Hope that God will help you to be stronger to face the challenges for your son and for yourself.

Take care Hope. Blessings to you.

Apr 08, 2013
loss of your spouse
by: Susan

In a few short months I will hit 4 yrs since the day my husband passed away. I still wonder just how much time it takes to "heal the wound". I was at his side each day of the 5 yr 2 mo. & 3 days of his strugle with ALS. I watched an active, healthy, loving husband father & grandfather disappear day by day right before me. I want someone to tell me how you let go of the other half of your soul. No one can tell you they understand. Even those of us who have been through this don't understand just how another persons struggle feels. We each know the intensity of the pain and how it consumes you some days. No matter the situation - quickly or years of knowing........loss of your spouse is something I still can't figure out how to get past. My heart goes out to you.

Apr 08, 2013
Love You! Miss You Always.....!
by: Doreen U.K.

Hope I am sorry for your loss of your husband and for the difficult place you find yourself in with a mentally challenged son who doesn't have a father's support. I feel sad for where you are in life with a very young son and the loss of a supportive husband.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 11 months ago and I know how you feel. I miss the support of someone not only to lean on but to be with me in helping make decisions and just keep me balanced and able to cope with the difficulties of life.
Even if we do understand how you feel. You are still very much on your own with what you have to do daily. What you need is on going support and someone to lean on. It does make a difference facing grief when we have supportive family and friends. Without this our battle is stronger and can wear us out quicker.
Somehow we find strength to go on. We have no choice. I hope that you can find support in social services and also from a grief counsellor should you use this service. Often we have to reach out for professional support when nothing else is available. I hope the days ahead will find you one day closer to Healing from your loss and the support you need to carry on with life.

Apr 07, 2013
3 plus years
by: Sharon from Las Vegas

It saddens me so when I read another spouse has left us. They are a support system that is indescribable. You know this person who left was a 24/7 deal and retirement was going to be a blast just the 2 of us.
My husband left this world on January 1st 2011. I cry every single day and night. We were together for 43 years then poof I had no one. No one to do all the wonderful things he did. With 4 sons, Steven kept them in tow and I helped him all the way. Now the family is falling apart bit by bit. I am not the Mom I used to be or neither the person I used to be. I'm someone I don't know. Someone who can't remember to smile or to laugh. My entire body aches for him. Like you said "Love you Miss you always" When someone mentions that love hurts, they know of nothing until their spouse dies and leaves you with all the other things that should take two. When my dad died recently, Steven was there, his arms were there and his wonderful words he said to me. Then when my mother past away, Steven was not here to support me or hug me forever. You mentioned you were into this horrible place after 3 plus years. I hope by that time I can see what you see. Your husband is very proud of you.

Apr 07, 2013
Grieving mom
by: Leticia

I am sorry for your pain. I know what it's like losing someone you love so much. My son was 37 years old and a single father of five. I will never forget that call. It's only been 7 months and its been very painful to lose a son you saw grow up to be a great father, son, brother and grandson. He had a heart attack on his way to work and over turn several times his suburban . He died insteadly. I grieve for him everyday and pray that I gain strength and heal so I can be there for his children he left behind. He was a devoted father and was a wonderful son. He was very humble and touch so many lives that I didn't know until his death. I pray everyday for strength . It's been very hard to accept that I will never hear his vice or see him walk through the front door and saying hi mom, I love you. My prayers go out to you and hope you can heal as well as me.

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