by Miranda Gonzales
I fell grief because of the loss of my cat Brigitte. She was very old, 17 years. Ive had her since I was a child and now Im 29. I feel as sad as if I was still a child, and I don´t understand why she had to go. Although I know she was old, and that this day would come. I had to take care of her by myself because my family lives in another country.
Brigitte was very intelligent, and had a long life. I remember when she would sleep in the chairs of the kitchen table. Once she was sleeping where I usually eat, and as I came next to her and looked at her, with my dish in hand, she moved to the next chair it so that I could take a seat.
And she was very beautiful, with a strong singing voice when she talked to us. Very expressive, and I understood everything she said. I don´t have a picture of her in this computer, she was a bengal type, a tigress. Her face had beautiful strokes of grey, green, black and light brown.
And she was so tender, she loved me and my mother most of all. With the rest she would be more distant. Until only a couple of year, being older, she became tender and sweet with everyone. She loved being spoken to, and carresed in the head and neck. Also loved to be massaged in her hip. I would put the palm of my hand in her face and she would press her nose against it, and hold my hand with both of her paws.
I feel guilty, thinking perhaps I should have noticed before that she was ill. She really didn´t seem ill to me, but in a week she started having problems walking, and finally after a blood exam, she was diagnosed with renal deficiensy. She wasnt throwing up, just drinking a lot of water. But it didnt seem strange to me. I feel guilty I didnt take her to the vet before she got ill.
And I feel guilty because she ended up hospitalized, and I had the hope that she would come home. The day I was going to bring her back, she passed away in the clinic. I had been visiting her, and when she saw me she would cry, respond to my carreses, and try to get up. So I thought she was getting better.
I dont understand why it had to be like this, I hope I understand someday.