Ever since we were little me and my brother were very close. He was more like a best friend to me. I always knew that if anyone upset me or hurt me that he would be there for me. I have never gone a day without speaking to him at least once. I also have a little sister but I felt closer to Luke. We have so many memories just typical childhood stuff like jumping on the sofa pretending the floor was lava and I remember making a video for you've been framed, endless hours of Lara Croft on play station together. we never finished it though. Then when I was in year 8 at school my dad left us, we later found out that he had been having an affair for the past 6 years, since I was in year 3. I was devastated. I felt like my entire life had been a lie. I broke down I had always looked up to my dad and felt safe with him. He was my dad after all. My brother Luke and I became even closer then we already were, he saved me from the road I was heading down. From then on he was the one I felt safe with who I admired, he was my brother, my best friend and a father figure to me. One day we were hanging out at home laughing and watching TV when he left to go to see a friend. He left at around 3:30pm in his car he is was 19 and I was 15. Then at around 4:30pm there was a knock at the door. One of those knocks that is about to change your life. It was 2 police officers, Luke had been in a car accident with 2 other cars, the others were alright but Luke died. He died. This was just over 12 months ago now. I didn't leave the house at all for the first 3 months apart from to attend the funeral, not even into the garden. My brother was a part of me and in just one hour my life had changed forever. I lost myself that day, it was as if I to had died. Now I find myself seeking help from other peoples stories and find myself telling you mine. I am a year on but this year has gone so fast and so slow at the same time. Everyday feels like it was yesterday he was with me. He was my rock, he was my brother, he was my best friend. I always thought we would end up being like Monica and ross Geller of friends when we were older and we would always be really close, I knew we would. I love him so much words cannot justify. One minute some ones here and alive and the next your standing next to them at the chapel of rest, feeling like are a stranger. People expect you have to moved on by now, friends and even distant family but the truth is I cant move on. Luke was a person and a lovely one, a gentle, kind hearted, one in a million, one who made misstates but had a huge good beating heart. I don't know anymore, nothing is certain anymore. You put this brave face on to fool others, you even fool yourself for a while but when you take of the mask... I also feel whenever I talk about Luke people change the subject like its old news and to me it still feels so recent and raw. I don't know what to feel. I have trust issues, anxiety and now a slight stutter. I don't know what's happened to my life. When I started secondary school in yr. 7 I had a mum, dad, brother, sister and dog. I was so grateful and now about to leave yr. 11 I feel as though I have lost everything. Like Life has given up on me, and truth be told I have been close to giving up on me too.