Mac Died on July 25, 2010

by Charlotte
(Brooklyn, NY)

It?s hard to know how much/little to write here; my husband died unexpectedly a little over 48 hours ago . . . and I don't know whether this site demands a "complete" story ? Or, if I can update this over the next hours, days, etc. when I get the chance or inclination.

I knew Mac for almost 10 years, we were married for almost 3. I met him when I was 50 . . . that was unexpected. I married him when I was 57. We had a good plan for a good life? and 2 days ago that life and that plan blew-up.

I don't know what to do . . . I mean, I can get through the next few days: the plans for the funeral, the schedules, the calls, the errands. . . I guess I can get through them, if these sudden anxiety attacks don't become any more staggering.

But what do I do then? How do I put anything back together when the person I talked to every day . . . the person I traveled with . . . the person I planned trips with, and discussed books with, and drank and smoked and ate with, and watched "Lost" with, and made snide comments to, is gone forever? And there won't be any more trips or plans or talks or meals or inside jokes ever again???

I can't stand to think about the days and weeks and months and years ahead . . . alone.

I can't stand this fear that I'll never have a happy or content or safe moment again.

Comments for Mac Died on July 25, 2010

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Aug 09, 2010
Sudden Loss
by: CT

My husband died unexpectedly May 20, 2010. We had a normal day on Wednesday, May 19 and went to bed at 9-9:30 pm. I woke up at 3:40 am on Thursay, May 20 and found him dead in our bed. He died right beside me and I never heard a sound. I called for help but the medics said he had been gone too long. We were married 16 years and he was only 51 years old. We were happy and very much in love. I am just now coming out of the shock and horror of losing him.

I am in and out of deep sadness, tears and an unreal feeling often. I know your loss is great and forever life changing. Staying busy helps, reading about grief helps, talking to other widows helps but nothing really takes the pain and loss away. My hope is in God, that he has a plan in all this for my good. Can't see it yet. I am told, only time and traveling thru this "hell" called grief will bring healing!

Aug 03, 2010
Help !!!
by: Anonymous

OMG I need some help for my best and closest friend..
Her husband died from using a fentanyl patch and being in the Sun.
He came in & layed on the couch, went to sleep & never woke up.
My friend found him the next morning, already in rigor... she kept trying to wake him .
She then called 911, the toxogolgy report says he went in to a coma and his heart stopped...
she married this man at the age of 15..that's right 15.

She has 2 grown girls, and one granddaughter grown now. She is in her middle fifties as her husband was.
All she does is cry 24 seven even at work.
I tried to have her go to a counselor , she refuses.
says she will get through it herself..
She wishes she were dead with him.
I listen to her & my heart breaks as well.
I love her like my own sister, how do I help her?

Help !!!!!!!!!

Jul 30, 2010
One month
by: Teresa

July 23 was one month since I lost my love, my best friend. Aug 2 will be one month since the funeral. I completely understand what you are saying. I got a promotion last week and it just wasn't exciting at all without being able to share it with Leroy. He would have been so proud and happy for me.

And like HH said there are no rules. I still post things from time to time. Every day I wake up and decide I will get through this day. My best to you. Just know that when your friends and family think it's time for you to "get over it and move on" we are still here.


Have you ever seen Sleepless in Seattle?
He has some really good advice, work, work hard,
work will save you. Yes, I know it's only keeping me busy but it is keeping me sane. He also says that every morning I get up and breathe in and breathe out, and someday I won't have to remind myself to breathe in and breathe out.....
How true!

Jul 29, 2010
Feeling your pain
by: Kay

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't tell you that it will get better or when the pain will ease. It is so very hard to lose a loved one. I lost my beautiful son in May. I still cry every day and night. I can't go into supermarkets or crowded places, I have panic attacks as well. I can tell you that I am thinking of you and sending healing and love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jul 29, 2010
Someone Heard Me
by: Charlotte

It's a comfort and relief to hear another voice in the void I'm living-in now. Thanks, HH.

Four days have passed since Mac died . . . the first Monday, the first Tuesday, the first Wednesday, and the first Thursday that he's no longer alive.

Soon, a week will have passed -- and, he'll be buried. And, I'll have the rest of a lifetime of days to be without him.

I'm just so sorry for myself . . . I don't want to be dead because he's dead . . . I want him to be alive 'cause I'm alive.

Jul 29, 2010
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss and wish that I could say something that would help. I do not know what I would do without my husband of 10 years. I just lost my 27 year old son and if my husband were not there to support me I could not have made it. I am still in such pain over the loss of Cody it has been 2 months and I know that life will never be the same and I wonder how to fill the time that I spent with my son. He called me several times a day and now my phone hardly ever rings. Things are so different now. I am no longer the same person.

I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jul 29, 2010
Fasten your seat belts

It's going to be a bumpy ride. As all of us here can tell you, grief is just about the worst ride of life that you can go on. There is no way or rules to grief or this site. Visit often and write as much as you like. Read this site because I can guarantee it is the only one that totally understands where we are coming from and offers help. Instead of the blah blah grief is a process in which..... You're at the right place and we are here and you will survive, I wish that I could tell you....anything to take away the pain, but it just doesn't work that way HH

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