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made it through the day

by Donna
(Texas)

Yesterday was Bryan's birthday. My two daughters and I went out to see Bryan. When we got there we noticed that the flowers we had put in our vase had blown away. So we went to the store and got some floral foam and two black roses. I would have gotten three roses, but they didn't have a white rose in stock. Bryan and the girls love black roses. My favorite has always been white. Any time Bryan bought me roses they where white to symbolize our pure love for each other.

I will be on the lookout for another bouquet to go with the black roses. While we were at the store we automatically went to the hot wheels. Bryan and the girls collected hot wheels, so we got him a happy birthday hot wheel, as we always try to do on his birthday. We didn't get to stay at the cemetery very long as it was really cold and windy.

On the drive there and back I couldn't quit crying. I cried on and off most of the day and night. I asked God and Bryan to please help me get through the rest of my life, as I don't know how to do it alone. I believe that God has made Bryan my guardian angel. I hope that he is, because I can't do this without him. Baby we love you and miss you so much. Happy birthday Bryan.

Comments for
made it through the day

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another day
by: Zoe

I wish there were some profound words I had heard that would make a day like yours any better. I know of none. We each handle it differently, it sounds like you did well for your children.
I cannot say this gets easier, it does, however, get different. But we all slam back to that moment, then we work ourselves forward again.

One step, one breath, one day at a time. It is what we have when all else is an illusion.

Keep writing, we are here

Zoe
Pamper yourself...
by:

Donna,

It is so hard, celebrating without them. We remember the past, all that we have gone and been through. Its hard knowing... Do we celebrate their Birthday? Grieve their Birthday? Anniversaries? What are we supposed to do now exactly?

I guess we have to take it not only day by day but do what we need to. I did not celebrate My Loves Birthday, just painfully acknowledged its passing. The early months were a blur of pain. Now the pain seems to intensify the loneliness, amplified as the year mark comes.

Buy yourself real flowers set them in the middle of the kitchen table and know that you are loved still. Keep in mind that you are special and need to get through this in a way that will ease you through each day. And know that you should be proud of yourself, It is by far The Hardest thing that we have ever gotten through but never over.

I like to think that they know that we love and miss them and they do too. But pamper yourself through the rough spots and remember that paper plates are a girls best friend.
HH

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