Madly in love... and then it was gone.

by Kevin

I have been married for 3 years,. together for 10. Our marriage had been one of the most loving, romantic, and kind marriages I had ever seen. Our friends would regularly ask us how we had such a good relationship. We started dating young she was 16 and I was 19. We met online and fell madly in love with each other. She and I flew back and fourth to meet each other many many times. We would talk to each other for hours every day of our lives from when we met until a few months ago.

Im canadian and actually moved out to live with her illegally. We did this for a few years and then I got stopped trying to enter the USA with her after visiting my family for christmas. She and I were heart broken and we promised to figure this out and be together permanently and legally forever.

I proposed to her when she came and visited me while I was held back in Canada. I can still remember the look on her face when I proposed. Feeling like I will never see her like that again is so painful.

We got my immigration stuff figured out and I moved out to the USA once again to be with her. The first few years were heaven and we were inseparable. The living representation of two peas in a pod if there ever was one.

I don't know when things went south. In the last two years her Grandmother who was like her Mom became i'll with cancer, was sick for a long time, then died. After her death my wife and I did lots of legal work for the estate. Her uncle was physically and mentally disabled and we had so much legal work to do with him as well. This all started immediately after the death and continued for over a year.

I guess in that time I didn't notice us drifting apart. I was aware that she was not dealing with the grief and was using the legal work and her job as means of not dealing with the sadness that is inside her. I just didn't notice she was losing faith in us.

A few months ago she pulled me aside and hinted that she wanted a separation. When I tried to get a straight answer about what she really wanted she began to cry. Sat on my lap and begged me not to leave. Not to give up on her. A few months later she moved out.,,

We still talk and see each other almost everyday. Today I actually woke up crying because of a dream I had about her. In my dream we made love and then right when it ended she was gone and I was sitting in a rainy parking lot looking at an unfamiliar building. I was heart broken and lost. Then I woke up to realize that is more or less exactly what's happened to my life I am heartbroken and lost.

How could this person I love so deeply and who I believe loved me so deeply just lose her feelings for me? Was it all fake?

Now she is telling me she doesn't know if she loves me. Honestly when she said that it was the most difficult thing I have ever heard in my life. I can't describe in words the soul crushing sadness I felt and continue to feel. It's been barely six months since all of this started,

In spite of all of this she is still wearing her wedding ring and telling me that once she figures her stuff out she wants to try to make this work. She's still saying she doesn't want a divorce and that at some point she hopes we find each other again. I don't know what to do, I don't want to give up on her and us. I just don't know if there is really any hope anymore.

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