I'm sitting on the edge of my bed as I have been most days since I recieved THE call. When I answered my phone the morning of august 26th 2012 I was a little annoyed because I thought by seeing the area code of the number that once again my beautiful, wonderful,bipolar daughter had once again lost her phone and I was really going to let her have it. We were paying the bill and i was tired of buying new phones just for her to lose. We have had a hard year together me spending much of my time with her where she lived and not at home. I was starting to resent it. There was a man on the other line asking me if I was the mother of my 30 year old child, I asked who he was and he said he was SOMEONE I cant recall his name but he was from the medical examiners office. All i remember is screaming he had to have the wrong person! NOT MY DAUGHTER! I screamed my young stepson awake and he took the phone. Then my husband, family, friends started coming to me and I realised I was in the floor begging them to go and get her for me just bring her home she was supposed to be coming back home that week she had been home the week before not a great visit and her last words to me were dont worry mama I got this. I was worried but Ibelieved her or I made myself believe her. I was crying when she left. My child had been in recovery for IV drug use for 5 years had went back to school, married had her 2nd child and was now going through a divorce and custody battle.Her childhood was traumatized and I blame myself for her troubles and tried to make her adult life easier for her at times bringing us very close. My first husband and my 4 childrens father died young of drugs a week before christmas I was 8 mon pregnant with our 4th child at the time. I was only 22 at the time. I made alot of mmistakes!!! My daughter died with a needle in her arm leaving 2 beautiful children behind. I came across this site today and now I am writing this. I dont know why or if Im looking for help that I dont deserve.I just want my daughter back!!!!!! I dont want to cry or grieve I JUST WANT ANOTHER CHANCE to make it better Mamas are supposed to make it better but I never could. I tried in the only ways I knew how but it was never enough I couldnt get it right. I dont even know the people my daughter chose to be with her final night I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS ON PURPOSE the death certificate says it was an accident. WAS IT? Will I ever know? I saw the signs was I too tired to do it again? DID I LET HER GO KNOWING SHE WAS IN A CRISIS? I go to her grave and I look at the cold stone standing there and wont let myself believe shes there. I look at her pictures all the time. I'm so so tired. I take the pills the dr has me on and wonder should I stop at one pill. Mama loves you princess I always have I hope you know that I HOPE YOU KNEW THAT IN YOUR LAST THOUGHT.