Manuel Islas I miss you so much it is our 2nd Christmas without you.

by Kathleen Orozco
(San Diego, CA )

Manuel I missed you this year just like last year and for some reason even stronger but this year was a bit different I was able to make it through without so much depression. Even looked at your pictures yesterday so that your sister Jazmine can make a family tree for her school project. I wish I could tell you how much I loved you and still do. I wish I could see your face and feel your hug just one more time but this year I have to go on with life I will never stop missing you.

I don't think they will ever catch your killer Manuel because the authorities in Mexico don't have resources but I know I must put this in the hands of the authorities and our precious Lord. I can not harbor hate for anyone anymore.

This year Manuel I need to get my life together we have lost everything and it is my fault I just couldn't manage life any more but I need the Lords strength to go on. Jazmine needs me and I need to be there for her. May the Lord give me the strength to go on. I need to be strong but at times still feel like it was yesterday all this happened. You were taken away from us very young at 16 didn't even get a chance at a real life. You died on February 16, 2010 and we buried you. They left you near the railroad tracks with 2 bullets in your head and throat, the doctor said you did not suffer much.

Please Lord help me I seem to be getting further and further depressed and seems I can not go on. I still have Jazmine your sister to raise so must keep on going even though I feel like dying every day. My grandson, Manuel I loved you so much and miss you so much every day. Please ask the Lord to help me Manuel as it is so hard to go on without you in our lives. There is a whole in my heart without you. I remember you always said "it's all good Mom don't worry" well I am here living without you. You were my grandson but raising you since 1 month your were more my son. I can not bear this much more I wish the Lord would take me home to be with you and my family.

Well got to go and finish cleaning my house just needed to air what was going on in my head. Thanks for allowing us to air out our feelings here, it is hard for other people to understand it since it was almost 2 years but still feels fresh to me and others who have lost loved ones, the hurt never really goes away just seems you deal with it and go on.