Manuel Islas my grandson with whom I raised from a baby I miss you sooo much. It was February 16, 2011 when you were murdered

by Kathleen Orozco
(San Diego, CA 92056)

I miss you so much Manuel you would of been 17 years old this year. It has been 18 months since you were murdered on February 16, 2010, we received a call at 6:30 am from Mexico where you went to visit family on February 4, 2010, they told me it was from a drug overdose but I said that's not possible you never touched drugs. They told us when we arrived that the autopsy had been done and you were shot twice. Whoever shot you was by a 22 caliber when the bullet didn't do the job in the temple they shot you again in the throat. The doctor said you did not suffer but died quickly.

Why did they do this to you? You were only there visiting, how did you get from the house to where they left you at the side of the railroad tracks? No one can give me any answers, not the incompetent police or the American Consulate. To this day it is still being investigated. One thing we know it wasn't robbery because you still had your money and phones. Why did I let you go? I live with that quilt every day of my life.

I am sitting here crying because it seems I don't how to live any more with out. I feel tired and isolated and no one feels my pain that hurts my very soul.

I keep asking myself why it seemed I was okay for a while but today it came back with a vengeance of anger, quilt sorrow, and hurt. Before I couldn't listen to music at least now I can with out feeling guilty. How am I to go on I still have your sister, Jazmine to raise and need to go on with out you.

Remember outside when you had a blanket on your shoulders you gave me a hug and told me you loved me? I love you and miss you so much. How am I to cope I work and go thru the motions but there's no feeling of happiness just a dull feeling.

When will this pain stop a friend who lost her son 20 years ago says it never really goes away you just learn to live but it just below the surface just like it was yesterday but she has learned to go on.

This is long but it gives me an outlet to vent and say what I feel. People expect you to be healed by now but it hurts just like yesterday and they don't understand.

I raised my grandson since he was 1 month old and he was my son, he actually wanted me to adopt him which I couldn't my daughter wouldn't let me.

My tears keep coming to where I can't see what I am writing but I miss you Manuel, love your grandma.