by John Pitts
(carmel, Indiana, USA)
I found my partner of 22 years in the garage after work 13 weeks 1 day and 9 hours ago. We are a male couple. I've written to him in the Theirspace section. I miss him so so much. It was MAY 02, 2012. The autopsy showed extreme cardiac blockages, he had endured two heart attacks prior. The cardiology team said that he sustained minimal damage. He was a doer and acheiver. One would never have known that his arteries were blocking up again. His first heart attack was in oct 06 and his second hear attack was in nov 07. He had a stent placed both times. It was in the LAD both times or also known as the widow maker. He was,just 53 years old when he died. He took real good care of me, and I, of him. He was very recently in the hospital for a diverticulitis problem, on march 28. While in the hospital he got caught smoking in the bathroom. He never smoked again. It had an enormous impact on him, and humbled him. He came home on a pic line. He had an intestinal abscess that was taking its own sweet time to clear up. He was calling the morning of his passing as I was preparing for work, to schedule his third cat scan to see if his intestinal abscess had finally cleared, because he didn't have any more bowel pain. When I came home from work and found him, he was in the garage and still had his antbiotic hooked up to his pic line.
There is no other heart disease known of in his family. The coroner stated that his diverticulitis was almost entirely completely cleared up, Mark would have been thrilled. The fire department found his nitro bottle either close to him or in his pocket. It had only five tablets left in it. We would refresh it every six months. He never used it. He must have been using it recently and didn't say anything....I'm so upset that I didn't know or realize and he didn't say that he had been using it. I always wanted him to carry it with him to work, but he never would. It sat otop a table between his spot on the couch and mine in a chair where we would meet up nightly for the news.
When we would ride bikes I would struggle to keep up with him. We didn't ride regularly.
For 22 years whenever I had a car repair it was done, by his own intelligent car repairing self. Not only cars, home repair and remodeling. In the past ten years we have owned 5 homes that we've updated, repaired, remodeled, etc. bought fixed up, sold, and moved onward to another. It is his intellect that carried us on, and on. We both did this while continuing to work full time jobs. Mark was a doer. He was a strong man. He lived the life he wanted too.
We didn't publicly display affection. However, having lived under the same roof for 22 years we knew people knew about us. We didn't mind, it was a don't ask don't tell sort of union. With his passing it became apparent that his family and mine didnt care about what kind of relationship we had. They've all been genuinely interested in my well being. I am blessed for this for certain.
I've been able to continue making mortgage payments to keep our house although my name was not on the mortgage note. My credit worthiness was not good enough to keep our mtg payment lower. Because Mark had two previous heart attacks, the home mtg life insurance was unaffordable. I did however possess a quit claim deed so my name is on the deed, which is my saving grace. So, I still have our home, although it is more home than I need. If I can show six months of on time payments to the mortgage company, I can, then assume the mortgage note. So far, no problem.....I am very lucky.
I miss my baby. I miss him so much. I wonder if he has passed into nothingness, or he can see and hear me...... I have faith, but it's more complicated than that...what is really going on here...