Mark, Love of my Life, Soul Mate
August 18, 2013 God seen it necessary to take my Mark on to a better place. We were married for 33 years and the last 5 1/2 years we worked together at our business so were together 24/7 and I would not change that for anything. Mark was a very hard worker, but when he wasn't working he was doing his other passion which was drag racing. On August 15th we left our home in Georgia to go to a race in North Carolina. We got there and Mark raced on the 16th. When he lost the round and got back to the trailer I was standing there as always to greet him and tell what a good job he did, win or lose. This time though he said I need you to help me out of the car, so I did. I said what is wrong, he said I don't feel good. He staggered to the motorcoach. I took care of making sure the car was taken care of and went to check on my Mark. I asked him again what was wrong and he said I think something is wrong with my heart, I said let me go and get the EMTs and he said no, let's load up and head home, I know I am going to end up in the hospital and want to be home.
So we head home with mark driving and after 2 hours he said let's stay at this rest stop for the night. So we did. He was up sick all night and again he did not want me to call for help as we were in South Carolina then. So morning came and he said you're going to have to drive us home. So God had the steering wheel as I sat in the seat because you see I had never in my life driven a 9speed International 8300.
We made it home and I took him straight to the hospital where they immediately did an EKG. We knew the person doing the EKG and he turned to me and said it don't look good. So immediately they got him ready and off we go in an ambulance to a larger hospital who has a special unit for heart patients. We get there and they do X-rays and see that the "widow maker" on the backside of the heart had collapsed. So the surgeon said that part of the heart was dead but that he would be fine because people live like this all of the time. So they put him in a room and as time goes on my Mark asked me " so if I'm going to be okay, why am I still hurting so bad". So I get with the nurse and they contact the Dr. And he orders an sonogram of the heart.
In the meantime my daughter has arrived at the hospital and i have an uncontrollable urge to leave the hospital for a few minutes. So I patted Marks leg and told him I loved him and would see him in a little while, not knowing that would be the last words I would ever say to him. As soon as I left they came in to do the sonogram and he died while this was being done.
My daughter calls and tells me to come back. When I arrive he was gone and the Doctor says he don't know what happened.so we have an autopsy done so we would know. Apparently when he had the heart attack, the heart ruptured and filled the sack around the heart and compressed the heart.
GUILT! That's what I fought for not trying to get help even though he said no. But from going to all of the grief counseling and reading the Bible I have realized that no matter what I had done he would no longer be with me on this earth in body because our days are numbered and his days were up.
As I approach 1 year in 3 days my heart still aches and I miss he terribly. I don't cry every day anymore but I still have many days that he is all I think about many tears flow.
I had a dream about 2weeks ago and his body was on a table and he was standing over it with a huge smile on his face. I have a wedding picture on the mantle and that is the same smile that was in my dream. I know he is with me in some capacity every day. That's what keeps me going as well as my daughter and 2 grand children which my husband loved dearly.
May God touch us all and give us the strength to travel this journey! Amen!