Marriage

In the Autumn of 1994 I returned home from time in Naval Bootcamp; Great Lakes Illinois. I met a beautiful girl working at a stop and shop store; we dated from 1994 to 1999. The relationship was not perfect; but what relationship ever is? August 1999 to August 2008 we lived the American Dream. Renting a few years then mortgaging a town home as we prepared for the birth of our little ones.

In 2008 I reluctantly left the marriage. The marriage was filled with many good times but also some unfortunate events that I could no longer ignore. We found ourselves in family court discussing the painful events that had been overlooked for many years.

In 2009 we attempted to work on the marriage. Unfortunately, at this point in time the marriage was filled with additional issues: trust issues, family and friend interference. We tried to meet one another half way, but she believed I was unfaithful and I believed she was out late at night being unfaithful. Some of the issues of the past presented themselves during times of argument in January 2010.

From January 2010 to the end of 2011 we spent some time (very little) working on the marriage. I look back and see the grieving process. I've transitioned through each stage; looping from one to the next and sometimes back again. I've felt denial; sadness; depression; happiness. But most recently, I have felt anger. Anger toward her for not stepping back, giving the marriage more time. Time to find a way to reconcile. Support through religious groups may have helped? or maybe a genuine attempt to grab a cup of coffee together and just talk...

I've been moving forward with accepting the past. For some reason though, this morning, there was a clear realization that it is time to move on with life.