Marty Rowan, 50yrs. old

by Carolyn Rowan
(New Britain, CT)

Marty was the love of my life. We met and married within a month of meeting. we knew we were meant for each other until death. I meant my wedding vows, til death do us part. I wish I had another 15 years with him. But he is no longer in pain. He died suddenly of a massive heart attack on Sept 7th, he was gone in seconds. he felt no pain. he is in Heaven now, watching over me. I still feel his love warming my heart. he talks to me, tells me to be "strong, like a Rowan" I miss him so much.

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Marty Rowan, 50yrs. old

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Sep 25, 2011
 peace
by: Carolyn Rowan

I am finally at peace with my beloved's passing. I still cannot say the "d" word. but when I saw Marty laying in Gods hands and smiling down at me, it brought me peace. He is in Heaven now with our Lord, and just wants me to be happy again.
I still cry, and am still sad, but my heart is not as heavy.
I spend a lot of time with friends and family because I still have trouble just being alone in the house. My mom is the only one who makes sure I eat. I still have trouble sleeping.
I will love you forever.....
Sep 13, 2011
 funeral
by: Carolyn Rowan

tomorrow is the funeral for my beloved husband. I am still awake at this hour, unable to sleep. I haven't eaten for days. his family is all here in CT, except for 1 brother who cannot accept loss. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it tomorrow. I can barely say his name out loud....it's him or he. I have surrounded myself with my friends and loved ones as much as I can stand....I feel like I'm begging for their company because I cannot stand to be alone....I've never been one to impose on other people, yet I feel like I've never needed them more.
Sep 11, 2011
 Be Strong When You Can
by: TrishJ

Carolyn~
You can only be so strong. You don't have to be strong right now. You need to deal with your emotions. Let the tears flow. Crying is good for your soul. Your love has been torn from you. You soul is shattered. You need time to heal just as if you have been in a terrible accident. After nine months I'm finally starting to have a few more good days than bad days. It has taken me this long to be able to look at pictures of our life together and remember how it was.
No...we are never the same people we were before the death of our spouse. The pain really never goes away. It will be with us for the rest of our life. We just adjust. We learn to live with it. We get to a place where it's easier to remember all those beautiful times we spent together. We get to the place where we are truly thankful that God brought this wonderful person into our lives. It's hard being without them. We miss them so much ~ that person that was such a vital part of our every day life.
This is a wonderful site. You can come here and post your heart out. We will help you get through this. We have all lost our loved ones and know the pain.
God bless.
Sep 11, 2011
 My Love was only 45...
by: Anonymous

Carolyn,

I recall with astounding clarity the day that my Love and I met. I remember it as if it were a dream because it was indeed a dream come true. We met when we were both getting out of a messy relationships. It couldn't have come at a worse time yet we knew. Or I did I cannot speak for him. It was "IT" I wanted no one but I could not keep away from the very man who felt like the one that I have sought a lifetime. Not even knowing what I wanted or needed...He was it.

And now that he is gone I have changed into a different person. Grief does change who you are, You will NEVER be the person you were. But in time the memories soften. They do not sting and make you a blubbering mass, not only mourning their death but the death of your life.

Eventually and this unfortunately comes with time surviving grief day by day, often moment by moment or as we say here step by step...

Your memories will become warm and you will eventually be grateful for the time and the love that you had, that few seldom are fortunate enough to experience.

But until then...Come here, this is the safe place where you can vent your emotions. All of your emotions the wild spectrum of emotions that seem to come out of no where but in grief are frankly quite normal.
HH

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