Matt's Mysteries. Age 17

by Jackie Dean
(Plano, Iowa)

Matt turned 17 on June 26, 1996. On June 27, 1996 he died tragically when a drunk driver pulled out in front of a dump truck while the driver was looking at his phone and he turned into Matt's truck while he was pulling onto to the highway. A series of events that would end his life and forever alter those of us left to mourn him.

He was our middle child the sweet quiet good natured young man that made you smile when he came into a room or poked his head in your door. Thick beautiful blonde hair that you just couldn't help but run your fingers thru when he'd let you. Calm sky blue eyes that reminded you of a clear day with white fluffy clouds and sunshine. He like star gazing and would lay his 6 foot long body on the old picnic table pointing out constellations to his little brother or anyone who was trying to figure out what he was doing on those bright starry nights. Always had a book, loved music, was crazy about his girlfriend....he was just a nice boy.

He wrote things like.."Good friendships are born of time, nurtured with understanding and sustain us even in difficulty. I have good friends." Or. "At times I feel like a caterpillar shedding my cocoon ready to spread my wings to heaven." And. "My family, ha, my family is not unique they are a mixture of every emotion, every opinion, every fashion! They are big small fat tall Devils and angels hearts of stone, glass and yet they are warm and loving and loyal, they are to put it plainly a family. And I really love my family because they chose me and I can't ever imagine not being with them, because they know what love is and you just feel it no matter if there are 2 or 50 altogether I have the perfect family."

I found his journals on our computer where he worked on his debate and other homework after he died and when I began reading I became so protective of his thoughts and wanted to keep them all for myself. Like I was the only one feeling the loss more and more as the void became overwhelming yet somehow comforting.

Comments for Matt's Mysteries. Age 17

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Nov 13, 2015
Matt's Mysteries. Age 17
by: Doreen UK

Jackie I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved son Matt to a sudden death at such a young age and at the Prime of his life.
To lose an Adult child is such torture for a mother, and the most difficult cross to bear. Life makes no sense when you have an intact family and you suddenly lose one of those precious loved ones. I once had a moment of happiness at the way life was going and feeling of contentment till a wave of fear engulfed me thinking how it could all change if something drastic were to unsettle my comfortable world. I tried to imagine life differently without each person in it. I couldn't imagine this till it actually happened and I lost my husband of 44yrs to a deadly cancer where I cared for him for 3yrs. 39 days and he died 3 1/2yrs. ago. Life is never the same. Once you get over the RAW GRIEF PAIN, life does start to change and you reflect on life as it was and how it is now. Wondering how you will go on. To lose a child/Adult child for me would be a grief too far. My sense of being would alter forever. It would take me longer to recover from this grief.
Reading Matt's journals would give you comfort in knowing he loved his life and was happy and content with the family he had. This is all any mother could hope for and would make you feel a glow forever that He was your son. You were his mother and feel very privileged that God gave you such a son to love for however long you got to love him. You fulfilled your mission in life for Him and You. As a mother to 3 Adult Children I have to cover them in Prayer every day so I don't lose them, till God says so and that I will have the strength to overcome any challenge that faces me where my Adult children are concerned. I now evaluate every day with Blessings and thankful for my children. I am sorry for your loss.

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