Max Was My World
When my son was 11 years old (10 years ago) we bought him a timid, sweet, full blooded border collie. At first the dog was over gray and then he grew into this bouncing boy with perfect lines and black and white fur. On his nose was a cluster of dark spots. He was always happy and up for a run, walk, game, whatever. When he was about 5 I took him to this gentleman who helps you teach your dog how to herd. I remember thinking "he won't have a clue" boy was I wrong. As soon as it was his turn he turned into a champion herding dog. He went three times and seemed to be in heaven. My son was busy with his life and I was working less and less so Max became my dog. He would spend almost every minute of the day with me. He walked with me on my left side, followed my instructions, and smiled a wonderful loving smile.
A while ago I tried to clean the material in his area with oxi-clean and now I am feeling so guilty because that was when he started getting sick. First fur came out and he began chewing on his back, etc. He had major surgery to repair the tears and cuts in his back. After that healed he suddenly became tired and uninterested in anything. Finally, I couldn't get him to get up. I did my best to pick him up (all 50lbs) and take him to the veterinarian. He gave us no hope--probably cancer. 24 hrs lately, tearfully, we had to watch as Max took his final breath.
Since then, I have felt like a limb has been ripped from me. I feel guilty about the oxi-clean and tell myself it killed him. I selfishly miss him. I wander about wanting to see him. I check his yard area. I think I hear him.
I just wanted to be with a dog and went so far as almost adopting one. But, after I did paperwork, etc. and was to return 24 hrs. later I started to crumble. Max is still in my heart and can never ever be replaced.
I don't know when this will end. I look at border collies and sigh -- no one will ever replace Max.