Max Was My World

by Liz

When my son was 11 years old (10 years ago) we bought him a timid, sweet, full blooded border collie. At first the dog was over gray and then he grew into this bouncing boy with perfect lines and black and white fur. On his nose was a cluster of dark spots. He was always happy and up for a run, walk, game, whatever. When he was about 5 I took him to this gentleman who helps you teach your dog how to herd. I remember thinking "he won't have a clue" boy was I wrong. As soon as it was his turn he turned into a champion herding dog. He went three times and seemed to be in heaven. My son was busy with his life and I was working less and less so Max became my dog. He would spend almost every minute of the day with me. He walked with me on my left side, followed my instructions, and smiled a wonderful loving smile.
A while ago I tried to clean the material in his area with oxi-clean and now I am feeling so guilty because that was when he started getting sick. First fur came out and he began chewing on his back, etc. He had major surgery to repair the tears and cuts in his back. After that healed he suddenly became tired and uninterested in anything. Finally, I couldn't get him to get up. I did my best to pick him up (all 50lbs) and take him to the veterinarian. He gave us no hope--probably cancer. 24 hrs lately, tearfully, we had to watch as Max took his final breath.
Since then, I have felt like a limb has been ripped from me. I feel guilty about the oxi-clean and tell myself it killed him. I selfishly miss him. I wander about wanting to see him. I check his yard area. I think I hear him.
I just wanted to be with a dog and went so far as almost adopting one. But, after I did paperwork, etc. and was to return 24 hrs. later I started to crumble. Max is still in my heart and can never ever be replaced.
I don't know when this will end. I look at border collies and sigh -- no one will ever replace Max.

Comments for Max Was My World

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Sep 18, 2012
williamcome home baby.xx
by: Anonymous

iam sorry to hear your loss,i too have just lost my baby william i feel so guilty and blame myself,he had a few problems could not walk far,with arthiritis,but was getting by,he would dirty sometimes and the vet said he dident have much quality of life,but we took him home he was ok althou couldent walk well and had a bad heart,i used to tell him to be quiet as he had us up throw the night and early morns,but last weds,we took him and he was put to sleep,iam in agonymblaming my self for leaving him i want him back so much i have no interest in anything without him nothing matters i want to cuddle him and bring him home,he was 15,and a king charles spanial the best sweetest little dog in the whole world .please god help me and keep him safe and happy.i keep calling him ,even looking for him,iam going insane without him.

Sep 18, 2012
Max Was my World
by: Doreen U.K.

Liz you are not selfish for wanting to have your collie dog survive and enrich your life giving and recieving love. We are human and want our loved ones around FOREVER. You were not meant to replace your collie. No one can ever replace the dog you had. Write a journal dedicated to your collie whilst the memories are fresh. Give your journal a voice as if you are making it come alive. This is honouring your collie an important part of your life. You will grieve and then go on in life when the time is right to get another dog and continue this cycle of giving and receiving LOVE. If you don't get another collie, you will just be denying yourself one of the richest pleasures in life to bring you greater joy. Each pet has a different personality and you will discover this when the time is right for you. The sad part of our world is that it changes. And these changes affect us, and changes us. You will in time recover as we all do HEAL from our tragedies.

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