Memories I Lost

by Elizabeth McL
(Philadelphia, Pa)

At the age of 56, I'm still looking to recover my memories of my dad. Being that my dad passed away suddenly when I was 8ys old, I can't seem to remember anything, accept seeing him laying in a casket. I've made so many bad choices growing up, and I blame the loss of my father for that. My choice in relationships with men, always became somewhat of a mental abuse relationship. I allowed the abuse, by not standing up for myself.
When I met my husband of 30 yrs, he respected me, but I still find myself letting him be hurtful to me. It's at these times, I miss my dad, I know he would have taught me better. I want to so much, reach for his hand, and ask him for help. I close my eyes to imagine him telling me what to do.
Oh,,,how I long for his direction.

Comments for Memories I Lost

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Aug 29, 2014
by: Judith in California

It's time to stop blaming the loss of your Dad for your bad choices in men. Teach yourself to not allow any man or person to be abusive to you. You dont need your Dad for that. It's just common sense. And shame on your husband thinking it is okay to emotionally abuse a good woman who has stood by him.

But you can't blame him wholely beause you allow him to be that way.

Get your backbone up and stand up for yourself. Respect yourself and demand it from others. If they don't then walk away. Some women will out up with abuse becasue they don't want to be alone or they don't have the education to make it on their own. IF eihter one of those are you then make the change to correct it. There are worse things to being being abused physically or emotionally.

I pray for your strength to love yourself enough to fight for yourself.

Aug 29, 2014
Memories I Lost
by: Doreen UK

Elizabeth I am sorry for your loss of your dad at such a young age and how this has left you feeling. You must have had other family members who could have filled in the blank spaces for you and allowed you to know the history of your father. Because everyone needs to know their history and how they evolved within their family setting.
Most of us make poor choices in life despite having a father around in our lives. Although it does help if one has two parents with equal input in their lives to help them develop better.
Somewhere in your life you may have been exposed to some sort of abuse which has become learned behaviour. It is possible for you to go in to counselling and explore your life more and help you to discover your vulnerable area and so make positive changes in your life despite being married 30yrs. I had read self help books all my life and then when I could not change set patterns I went in to counselling and within 4yrs. My life had changed for the better in ways that benefited my family. I found life for the first time. I could do nothing about the mistakes I made. But I related better which benefited the whole family. WE have so many losses to grieve throughout our lives and it can be an exciting discovery to find yourself. You will relate in a way that will also help those around you to change, and invite respect where this has been lost. Often we can relate in a way where we invite certain behaviours. This doesn't mean that we have to let other's control or manipulate us. This often comes about by our nurturing or learned behaviour which can be unlearnt. Never too late to change. I DID IT. I found freedom in my Spirit to be the person I was meant to be and in a happier place.

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