Met at 5:00 PM-Married the next day 42 years ago.

by Scott Bryant Bracken
(Grass Valley, CA)

I am not coping well without Denny. (Danella) She died 2-16-2014 from brain cancer discovered on 7-12-2013. No family, no children, don't really care. She was my first and only experience with love. All those who knew us, recognized our closeness. We expressed our love with each other dozens of times a day. I made sure she had the same power in our relationship I enjoyed. We were both omnipotent in our marriage. Having never experiencing love before, and she, always feeling loved, we both recognized the value in love, and for 42 years it worked for us beautifully. Five years ago I had a stroke. Denny cared for me, keeping me safe until such time that I was able to function on my own. While we are not religous, we have always followed the 'Golden Rule'. I met her when I was 21 years old, so now, at 63 years old, I find myself completely lost emotionally. I sit in my chair, blinds closed, lights off, no TV or radio on etc., thinking about my Denny. I think it is giving me comfort when I am thinking about her, so I don't want any distractions. I am consumed by feeling sorry for my wife first, then myself. She has a little stuffed buffalo she loved, and used to tease me with, which now I sleep with. (I am hopeless, but I just do not care) I tried grief support groups but for me, they don't work. (I already have enough grief thank you) I am not a candidate for suicide, but I can sure understand that feeling, and that is with anti-depression pills. I thought I was steeling myself for losing her while I was caring for her but, I didn't have a clue. I am sorry for all of those who went before me, and I say to those who still have your loved ones, Don't Forget to hug your loved ones and tell them how much you love them every day you can. You will be better off and they will also. And even though I did that many times a day for forty years, I am still in an agonizing *ell, so do it…while you still can! -Scott Bracken-

Comments for Met at 5:00 PM-Married the next day 42 years ago.

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Apr 25, 2014
For Scott. "Met at 5 pm......"
by: Elisa

Dear Scott,

For your loss, my heart cries for you and I pray for you, as I know the pain well, my heart hurts every single day and night for my husband. Last night, 4/24, I had so many nightmares about trying to find him. I go in and out of my beliefs--will I see him? Where is he now? Why did he die? Why don't people understand us?

I miss him so much--you know the feeling. I was married to him almost 44 years when he died, and knew him for 46 years. We, too, had no children, my parents are gone, and my family has drifted apart. Sometimes they call, but they don't get the loneliness or the grief that the finality of death brings.

Some friends suggest I get rid of things, I won't even touch the things that were left on his night table the night he passed. It is my decision, no one elses.

I know I will grieve the rest of my life. He wanted so much to live for me, he worried about me, and rightfully so, I leaned on him, he leaned on me during good or bad times---we were truly one person. When he passed, part of me went along, but I don't know where that is.

Like you, we had plans to go on to a nice old age together. Never got to live out his dreams--simple requests he had: to move to a warmer climate, smaller home, and finally relax. Never happened. pancreatic cancer took him pretty quickly. But he had no signs of it. It was a shock to hear the diagnosis--this man, vibrant, strong, smart, loving--stuck down--it took away his dignity, his looks, most of his weight, etc.

I try to believe he is in a place called Heaven, but for some reason my faith has diminished. I believe in God and Jesus, and want to believe in an afterlife, but I guess I never was a Bible scholar.

God bless you and your Danella. Love, Elisa

Mar 24, 2014
from one grieving widower to another
by: Lawrence

These are such early days for you, just over four weeks, your overwhelming grief is heart-breaking to read, especially for all of us on this web site that have lost beloved partners and have been through the agony of being left to mourn alone, like yourself.
I know it isn’t any consolation, because this has happened to YOU and you feel so alone and are in such pain..
I lost a deeply cherished wife on Christmas Day 2012 after being together for nearly seventy years of blissful happiness, so believe me I know how you are feeling and the total bewilderment of not having a wife to laugh and love with, or as the song goes “NO ONE TO BLESS ME WHENEVER I SNEEZE”.
I still cry daily and will never get use to the emptiness and void in my life and yet Scott, here I am writing this comment and offering you sympathy and hope to show you that as the weeks and months pass the pain will get that little bit less and then you will come to accept that Denny has gone ahead of you, I would have never thought I would have been able to do it, when truthfully all I wanted to do was to join her.
I was so lucky, my beautiful wife died in the blink of an eye, one minute talking the next dying so I didn’t have to watch her slowly drift away like yourself, that must have been agonizing to see.
The time will come Scott, when you will draw the curtains and slowly, battered and bruised start living again, life will never be the same. But she will always be with you in your heart.
Meanwhile do what we all did which is to cry, cry and scream out at the world, but also remember to thank God, or whoever you believe in for the wonderful 42 years you had together, so few people ever know such love.
You say, “Don’t forget to hug your loved ones “well, all of us here on this web site would sell their soul to the devil just to have them with us to hug.
From one heartbroken widower to another.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference

Mar 23, 2014
Met at 5:00p.m.-Married the next day 42 years ago.
by: Doreen UK

Scot I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved wife. This is got to be the very worst pain of the soul. It hurts so much you don't feel you can go on if life. losing a spouse is so very devastating a loss. I lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. 22 months ago and I could not function for 6 months. I did nothing. We each have our own way of coping with loss. For me it was bathing my sorrows with TV as it blocked out all that sorrow and feeling of knowing he was never coming back to me. He was my first love and my last. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and we would have celebrated 46yrs. together. Even after 22 months it hurts so much.
I do have a strong belief in God and He carries me on each day and gives me the strength to go on. I hope that you will realise that it is early days and your grief will be RAW. But the best way forward is ONE DAY AT A TIME. I never thought I would be able to go on in life. I can only take one day at a time and I can't plan for the next day. You will in time find your own ways of coping with your loss. You will one day recover from grief. Hold onto this HOPE.

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