Mi papito (I miss you, Darry)

by Maria Macias
(Houston, TX)

10 yrs ago! my daddy saved my life. while i was a binging drug addict, my dad had a stroke and i had to step up to the plate and help my mom take care of him. Half of his body was paralyzed, doctors said he would never eat again or live a normal life. But he told me if i tried, he would try to. I quit drugs and he would learn to eat chicken nuggets.

5 mos ago his kidneys gave way and a long fight till last wk my daddy died by hospice, whom i really can care less for. I watched my dad being starved to death and bed sores from not being moved cuz they thought he did not have a good quality of life.

Huh! so i watched everyone give up on him around me. I carry this hole in my heart and have no consolation. I'm a believer and still can't find peace. I walk in a daze and angry at the world. Next wk is fathers day and I don't know how to act.

Time heals all wounds. This don't feel like a wound. It feels like my heart has been pulled out and buried w/ him. Of course I read the stages but I read people still going threw this stage a year later. Wow! Will I ever be normal again?