Mi papito (I miss you, Darry)

by Maria Macias
(Houston, TX)

10 yrs ago! my daddy saved my life. while i was a binging drug addict, my dad had a stroke and i had to step up to the plate and help my mom take care of him. Half of his body was paralyzed, doctors said he would never eat again or live a normal life. But he told me if i tried, he would try to. I quit drugs and he would learn to eat chicken nuggets.

5 mos ago his kidneys gave way and a long fight till last wk my daddy died by hospice, whom i really can care less for. I watched my dad being starved to death and bed sores from not being moved cuz they thought he did not have a good quality of life.

Huh! so i watched everyone give up on him around me. I carry this hole in my heart and have no consolation. I'm a believer and still can't find peace. I walk in a daze and angry at the world. Next wk is fathers day and I don't know how to act.

Time heals all wounds. This don't feel like a wound. It feels like my heart has been pulled out and buried w/ him. Of course I read the stages but I read people still going threw this stage a year later. Wow! Will I ever be normal again?

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Jun 13, 2010
Lost father
by: Brenda Mack

I feel the same way that you do except that it was my 27 year old son that passed away on May 21, 2010. There are some that might think my son's life did not count for anything. He struggled with drugs and alcohol. Most of the time they won. I do not even know if my son died from his type 1 diabetes or if he died from the new drugs his pain management doctor gave him. I have to wait for the medical examiners' report.

I am not sure that I have ever been "normal" but I do know that I will never be the same. I loved my son so and his death has tore into me like a knife. I know that a part of me went into the grave with him. I too have heard that time heals all but I think my clock has stopped. I am numb, I am sad, I am guilt ridden. The list goes on and on. I just want you to know that I understand how you feel. May your father rest in peace.

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