My son Mike was the light of my life. First born. Top of his class all through school. He and I were only 16 years apart. I am a very intelligent individual, just think fate put me where I was at 16. He was put here to give love to his brother, sister, mom, dad, grandparents, and never forgot anyone's special day.; the only one who did this other than me. amazing musical talent. beyond belief. top student in school. Loved by everyone. All earmarks for disaster now that I have lost him and done research. He was everyone's "ear" for family problems, yet they resented him. He took on so much. He lost his life due to depression and alcoholism and I feel so responsible. I can't let go. He and I were like twins in so many ways. I did't do enough for him. I hurt so much. Everyday, I think of him, talk to him. He was amazing. I do believe God gave him to us, and unfortunately we used him to death. As his mom, I hold all the guilt for this. So many loved him and I still get calls about his death. His love for his family was so deep, so much more than his brother or sister showed. He was the one who was always counted on. Oh my God, looking back, he shouldered so much. He was my anchor and I didn't know it at the time. Now I feel as though my "anchor" took him from me too soon. I miss him so very much. I am lost without him

Comments for Mike

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Aug 01, 2012
by: Karen Grant

At 16, I also gave birth to a beautiful boy, Danny who was everything to me. I felt an awesome privilege not only as his mother, but in being his friend. He also was a brilliant musician, computer whiz, father and keeper of special dates! His last gift to me was this birthday gift- before it was easy to create videos on the computer!
He died of undiagnosed asymptomatic cardiomyopathy at the desktop he made this on. He was 33 with a young son of 9. He also had a history of alcohol abuse and had quit drinking and signed up for graduate school 6 months prior to his death, yet I wondered if that was the cause. Or perhaps because I was too young when I had him, put too much responsibility on his shoulders, or a million what ifs! I don't know why your story presented itself, but I feel Danny had something to do with that- the parallels are uncanny. The excruciating pain gets easier to disguise, but never lets up. I will pray for you and thank you so much for sharing- I never thought anyone could understand what I was enduring, but I was wrong!

Jul 25, 2012
by: Doreen U.K.

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Mike. It is often a family pattern to give large responsibilities to young shoulders. Especially if the person shows capabilities. I was such a person who took over at a young age the job of parenting and doing so many chores. My mother gave me too much to do at a young age. As long as my mother was in control I felt I could cope. I too at the age of 14yrs. started to suffer with depression. It was so bad that I too did not want to live. I was bullied at school and this didn't help. I had a good training in running a home and looking after my baby brother. I had so much responsibility that sometimes I felt I couldn't cope but kept this to myself. Never once did I every resent obeying my parents in what I had to do. Due to this family pattern. I passed this on to my daughter. She is having difficulty with this in her young marriage. She felt she had too much to do. She suffers depression. My daughter is from a different generation and so feels resentfull that I gave her too much to do at a young age. It is possible that parents do make mistakes. Heap large burdens on the shoulders of their children. Perhaps as parents we did make mistakes. WE only pass on what we have learned. WE don't realise our mistakes till it is too late. Grieving this responsibility is very hard. You may need the support of a grief counsellor to help you deal with the pain of your loss and also the reasons behind the loss. Only then will you be able to absolve yourself of the guilt and grief associated with your methods of parenting that may have contributed to your son drinking and developing depression. As parents we do our best. If we learn too late of our mistakes we still have to go on and forgive ourselves for the methods we used that became a burden to our children. This now becomes a burden to ourselves.
I hope that you realize that you can't afford to stay in this unhealthy place of grief. Moving forward will be hard for us but has to be done in a way that we will learn to do things differently. We have to replace our Guilt with responsibility and forgiveness.
I hope your days of grief get more bearable in the days ahead and that you will cope better with your loss.

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