Miss Ing

I was with my fiancé for eight years. He was a few years older than me - i was 20. We shared many happy times. He was my first grown up relationship and he loved me from the moment he saw me and I loved him. We dated, we holidayed and had a lovely life together. He was my best friend. We went through hard times like all couples do-  we were both growing up finding jobs and finding ourselves. Although some of these times were difficult We weathered these transistions. We bought a home together and got engaged bought puppies- we shared our lives. Somewhere along he years we started taking each other for granted. He went out with friends- staying out until 6am. I waited at home sometimes crying and worrying he didn't want me anymore. I was lonely. Then it switched. I started to notice others . I had never cheated in the years we were together but after a year of my fiancé and I living like room mates , not kissing and carrying balls of anxiety around in my stomach I started imagining a different life. I life where I was with someone else.  I tried everything to make it work. But maybe i didnt because in the end i split with my fiancé. It wasn't his fault - it wasn't mine - we'd grown so far apart and got into a cycle of arguing and blame. The breakup was so hard but I had met someone who I knew I had feelings for. They deepened as we got closer and I was single - adding to my confusion. I followed my heArt. Something stopped me going back. I left my home. I left him. It was so painful but I wanted us both to be happy. I'm with that other man now. He is wonderful.  I know my ex is getting stronger but he still contacts me telling me he loves me. The guilt eats me up inside. I think about choices I have made. I think about someone who loved me so much feeling so hurt and alone. I want to help him get through it but I can't. I am in love with my boyfriend. He is so understanding and compassionate. But at times I miss my ex so painfully. It hits me at times out of the blue - unexpectedly. I can't talk about it as it was my choice. I don't have the right. . My ex still wants me back so to tell him I miss him too would only give him hope. I want to be fair. I know this sadness will pass again- it comes crashing on me like waves and rolls gently away again. It always washes up masses of guilt that I don't know how to get rid of

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Aug 30, 2012
by: Doreen U.K.

Your relationship wasn't working so you both split up. you found someone else who you are now in love with. What is confusing you is not the decision you made. It is your EX coming back and causing you the confusion. Once you move on you should not go back and then start wondering if it would work with your Ex? ask yourself." Would I be making a mistake to stay with the man I love? " Why can't I stop thinking of my Ex? Go for counselling and after much work in counselling you will know what you want. When you make a CHOICE stick with it. If you are HAPPY? Why would you start to get confused? you need to ditch the GUILT over why you split up and just accept things the way they are otherwise 1 man is going to get terrible hurt? Which one would you hurt? Which one do you really want in your life? Once you make your final Choice there is no going back. If it didn't work you would have to accept this. The mistake you are making is STILL BEING IN CONTACT WITH YOUR EX. You need to make a clean break and have no contact with him at all otherwise you are compromising the new relationship you are in now. You said that you are in Love with your boyfriend. Don't break his heart. otherwise you will lose out. You will win one heart and break another. Stay where you are and try and work out one relationship. As a young woman I had choices also. I stayed with the man I LOVED. I would have given my life for him. We were married 44yrs. He died 4 months ago from cancer. My song at his funeral was the one I based our Life on. "MY WORLD BEGINS AND ENDS WITH YOU." By the great singer Sonny James. I hope it works out well for you. GET RID OF THE GUILT. Don't go Backwards. Go forwards.

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