miss my dad so much

by amanda webber
(augusta me usa)

On april 17 2014 was a day ill never forget. I was at work. It was around 3pm and I went in to check my phone when I saw two miss calls.( My dad had moved out of state 14 years ago with my step mother. He was battling his own demons. So he had been out of touch . ) They were from my step mom and step sister. I thought that it was strange that they were calling. So I hesitated calling back. But I did and it was the worst return call ever.
My step mother had told me my father had passed away that morning. I fell to the grown and sobing uncontrollably. I couldn't speak it felt like the wind got knocked out of me. Once I came out of whatever I was in I said how what why..... He had issues with alcohol and she had kicked him out and he was in a hotel. Who puts a man with alochol issues in a hotel with no help .
He had a heart attack and she then told me that he had been gone 3 days before someone found him. Thats right he was alone. He was detoxing for alochol alone with no help and suffered a heart attack that took his life.
I know don't blame his wife. But I can't help it. He was trying to get better and instead of helping him he ended up lossing his life.
Knowing he was trying to get better and nobody was there to help him and support him makes the loss of my dad so much harder. Knowing he was alone wheb he took his last breath makes me hurt so very much.
How do I forgive? When does it get easier?
I miss my dad terribly.

Comments for miss my dad so much

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 21, 2014
Your story is like mine
by: Anonymous


My dad passed in September of 2013 in a similar way, eerily similar. I understand your pain completely. Not knowing is the worst. I had to talk with the coroner to try and piece together what his final moments were like. I feel like it's a private hell that few people understand. It's bad enough losing a parent but add these other layers and it's almost too much at times. I wish you strength and inner peace. It does get better but it takes time. I'm a little further down the road but I still ache.

Jul 16, 2014
miss my dad so much
by: Doreen UK

Amanda what a terrible experience and way to hear of your father's death. Just don't focus on Who you have to forgive? This is not the issue at this moment. The issue is getting around the news that you lost your father and how he died. Everything rushes through you so fast you don't know which thought to process first. When things settle down you will be able to think more clearly. Apportioning blame at this point in time is useless without knowing all the facts. Your FOCUS will of course be on losing your father and how he died. Knowing that he died alone and with no one with him will make your grief that much worse. You could benefit from speaking to a grief counsellor for support and perspective on how you move forward with your feelings. Always remember that your father could have phoned you if he wanted to. He may have been so inebriated with alcohol that he wouldn't have known if someone was with him or not. He may have wanted to be on his own. You will never know, but focus on my last two statements. This is going to help you work through your grief. It is not easy living with an alcoholic. It is damaging and one has to have a strong disposition to be able to withstand the destructive habits, and lifestyle this can be and can destroy a family. Alcoholism is an illness, but An alcoholic needs to take responsibility for their lifestyle and what it does to the people around him/her. We can find ways of enabling an alcoholic and to tolerate this act and the behaviours associated with alcoholism would mean that you stay in that environment. Some people can't. Which I guess is where your step-mum put him out. Step-mums could be looked down upon for being evil and cruel doing this, but is not always the case. I hope you are able to find the answers you need and that you are able to resolve your pain over your father's last days without support. I am sorry for your loss.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!