Miss my love too much!
(Riverside Ca. USA)
Hi my name is Kim and I lost my husband on July 16,2011. His name was George and he was only 48. On that day I came down stairs and found him gone on the couch. He had a massive heart attack. Me and my 17 year old son just freaked out. My daughter was on her way home from vacation and I had to tell her over the phone. Me and my husband were married 1 month shy of 18 years and we were truly best friends and soul mates. 10 years ago he became disabled due to a back injury and I have always been a housewife so we got to spend every waking moment with each other. We never ran out of things to talk about and we never fought. I love that I had that true love but it is sooo hard to deal with him being gone. I still cry all the time and these holidays are really tough. I still don't know how to go on without him and I can't ever imagine being with anyone else. I don't know anyone that has gone through losing a spouse so it's hard to talk to anyone that can understand how I'm feeling. My kids are both devastated without there Daddy here. My daughter will talk with me about her feelings but my son just clams up whenever anyone talks about his dad. It breaks my heart to know I can't make their pain go away. We are a very tight knit family and this shock just hurts too much. Im also so upset because I'm not going to be able to keep our home that we made so many memories in. I was a housewife but I am also disabled and can't find work. Because I was only 18 when we got married and we started our family right after I haven't worked so I haven't put in enough hours to qualify for social security disability so I have zero income coming in now. That just makes things so much worse. My whole life has been turned upside down. I am a believer of God and I go to church every Sunday, and I know God is with me and he relieved my husband of his chronic horrible pain but I'm only human and I wish I could have him back. I miss his hugs, his sweet sexy smile, how he made me laugh, how much he lived being a father and so much more. What I wish for the most though is to be able to have a dream about him. I've been wanting that since he passed and it hasn't happened:(( You see in dreams things seem so real and to be able to see him again even if it's only in my dream I would be soo happy. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make this pain less I would love to hear or even someone to talk to that knows how I feel would be nice. Thanks, Kim