miss sherry

by sherry
(fox river grove il 60021)

Mom died Oct 18,2013 of lung cancer. Dad died Feb 21st, 2014 also of cancer. I took care of them the best I could. I feel like it wasn't enough because they both died. I failed them. My heart is beyond broke... I have nothing now. I have been trying to "fix" myself for months and cannot. Don't want to be on meds, afraid I won't face the pain. I promised I would take care of their old pooch Sammie. Sammie is 14.5, diabetic, high blood pressure and blind. She is what keeps me going... love her!

I have no children and a husband who says things that do not make me feel better. It has been more than 10 months and life is just too hard. I just don't know how to get to be myself again.

There is nothing I can do to bring them back...but I want myself back.Just don't know how. How long before I picture them and smile, instead of picturing them ill?

Comments for miss sherry

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Sep 27, 2014
Broken hearted
by: Doreen UK

Hi Shana,
The long post below was mistakenly addressed as sent from Shana and this is an error. It is addressed to you Shana from Doreen U.K. Hope this post helps you to lose your guilt over the Choice you made. My experience should help you.

Sep 26, 2014
Broken hearted
by: Shana

Shana often we have to make a quick split decision that we grapple with and wonder if it was the right decision to make. Your mother did not want to be on life support and if you did go against her choice, you would have felt guilty also. You made a decision without motive. A decision to end her suffering. ACCEPT THIS. Grief does play with our emotions and feelings and often makes us feel guilty. But this guilt should soon pass. You shouldn't be assaulted by the decision you made. You should applaud yourself for ending your mother's suffering. Keeping a person on life support where there is no hope only prolongs the suffering for the family, even if you do want to hold on to your loved one a lot longer, it wouldn't be the kindest thing to do.
My husband was in severe cancer pain the day he died and I had left the night Maria *urie nurses to care for him and they did a good job, but the next day another agency nurse came and so off to bed I went only to rise in the morning to be told by my husband that he was in pain all night and the night nurse would not give him an injection for the pain. She left this for the morning staff. When I phoned up I was screaming down the phone for someone to come quickly as my husband was suffering. They waited till they finished their morning clinic, which took 3hours and then the journey to organize medication. They took so long to put the syringe driver in due to cost to the health authorities and so my husband got this medication too late and he died 8 hours later. I had a horrendous cancer journey for over 3yrs. and this does affect my grief with anger over so many careless decisions based on lack of funding. Some good doctors being appalled at the lack of compassion towards a dying man. Perhaps now this will help you to see that all decisions are not always the right one's or for the right reasons, but nevertheless a decision that has been made by you for the right reasons.

Sep 25, 2014
broken hearted
by: shana

Miss sherry I'm thinking bout you.I am 38 years old. I lost my mama June 21st 2014. I stayed with her from April 29th til she passed. She went through ALOT!!! from Dec.28th2008 til we lost her in June. 3rd stage throat cancer lived on a feeding tube bout 130 Dr.visits,hospital stays, you name it she went through it. Well she decided to have a teach put in on the 7th of June.She did good for bout 5days then something happened she was rushed back to ICU we was faced with the decision bout life support which she didn't want so we let her go.I am having the hardest time with that decision I can't hardly accept it. I know its what she wanted but I can't help feeling like I being her daughter let her down & she left this world thinking her family gave up & let her go.I hate our decision everyday can't change sure is hard to deal with.hang in there hope things get better for both of us soon. Any advice from anyone is appreciated!!!

Sep 03, 2014
miss sherry
by: Doreen UK

Sherry my husband died of lung cancer 2yrs. ago. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days before he died and this was the hardest and most painful experience of my life. I know I did all I could for him. You must learn to believe in yourself that you cared for your mother and father when ill with this disease and this is not easy. YOU DID IT! Applaud yourself instead of beating yourself up for not doing enough. If you are not getting the support you need from your husband you can do this for yourself by going to see a grief counsellor. You will be surprised at how well supported you can be and you will heal in ways you wouldn't have thought of. This counselling will also build your self esteem up, and you will reclaim your life back. You won't know till you do it. I DID IT.! Best experience and investment in my life into better mental health and thinking. Any insults and put downs from those people that surround me just roll off me. I don't take them personally. Counselling did much to help me lose my sensitivity. I related better and those around me benefited me also. I hope you get the support you need to help you heal from the loss of your mother and father. This is a big loss in anyone's life.

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