Miss you so much and hope I will see you again xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My mum passed on the 3rd of November 2010 after a long battle with mental illness. She took her own life, she was 59. I couldn't go to her funeral as I couldn't bear it, there has been a lot of abuse in my family and I couldn't stand to hear people say how wonderful my mum was when in life they treated her like dirt.

I went to the chapel of rest to see her and then went to the cemetery when everyone else had gone to pay my respects and say goodbye. I am my mums first born I am 35, so as a kid I was always there for mum, trying to look after her, but I admit the last few years I found her illness difficult to deal with.

My mum and I always had a special bond, we had many great times together, sometimes we would laugh so hard we would have tears, she always wanted me to be happy and I feel I have completely let her down. Sometimes I want to be with her so badly but I'm not as brave as to take my own life. I feel wracked with guilt and this feels like a nightmare that I haven't awoken from. I hope there is an afterlife so I can see her again and tell her how much I love her, my mum may have had dark periods in her life but when she was well she was the best mum you could ever ask for, I miss her so much xxx