Missing and worried about my son

by Carol, Seans Mom
(Bellingham , Mass)

My Beautiful Children, Sean in the middle of his sisters who love him sooo much!

My Beautiful Children, Sean in the middle of his sisters who love him sooo much!

Hello, My name is Carol. I am Seans Mom. Sean died November 15,2011 very suddenly in his sleep. Well not so suddenly but he never woke up. We spend over 42 hours praying for a miracle that we did not get. My son was my oldest child of three and my only boy. He was handsome, sensitive but not perfect. Sean developed a blood clot while he slept that would end up destroying his organs and blocking oxygen to his brain. My world was ok one day and then just exploded. Almost 21 months later I will say I am still lost. I am in counseling but I just miss him beyond.I have a strange question for all of you angel moms out there, Do you worry about your child still and do you think they are Ok? I ask Sean to please let me know because I know how much I suffer with this. I love him with all my heart and soul and I know in order to live on for my two daughters my heart needs help. Sean was only 24. His sisters were 22 and 15. I see the suffering but can't really help because I am so broken. How do we live on? When if ever does this sense of worry slow down? Please give me your thoughts. They mean the world to me. My life is so different now, I go through life pretending. I am devastated beyond words yet life around me continues. It is so hard and dark... Thank You..

Comments for Missing and worried about my son

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Aug 22, 2013
For missing and worried about my Son.
by: Matts Mum

Hello Carol, I lost my son Matt to cancer on the 25th July 2013. My guilt and anger is overwhelming at times, and I have been helped by the comments on this site. My faith tells me that I WILL see my son again when he is resurrected. The bible tells us that the dead are conscious of nothing, they cannot feel or do anything, BUT, everything that Sean was all his ways and personality are very safely tucked away in Gods memory. The bible tells us God not only numbers the billions of stars in the galaxies, but he also named them. To remember those who have died is not at all difficult for Him. Meanwhile Sean is asleep in death as is my Son Matt. When they are awakened from death they will not know how long they have been asleep. How comforting to know they can't see how much they are missed. Sean would want you to go on as would my Son too. Xxxxx.

Aug 21, 2013
by: Anonymous

As you I wonder about my son who passed away almost two years ago. Is he okay where he is I would like some kind of sign from him that he is okay. I talk to other people who say they have had some kind of sign their loved one was okay but am still waiting. I have done counciling too but a part of us dies and people who haven't gone thru what we have have no idea that we are partially dead inside. My prayers go out to you.

Aug 14, 2013
There is no end to the Pain
by: Cathy

Hello Sean's Mom this is Brandon's mom, I think on this site we are known by our child's name because we are here because of them never wish anyone to be here. The pain never goes away and you never can stop worrying about them cause you always wish that you could talk to him at least once to know he is ok near God, you are a mother and always will be his and he your child no matter how many more children you have and how many years pass by it always seems just like yesterday but one has to go on and pretend everything is ok people forget about it and expect you to do the same but it is easier said than done, a piece of you is torn apart and the pain wont ever go away.

Aug 11, 2013
Carol -worrying about your son
by: Catherine

Dear Carol: you might remember me. I lost my daughter Stephanie the same day you lost your beloved Sean. You know I understand how you feel as I too lost my son Stephen in 1997 and with the loss of two children whom I loved and needed so much, my heart has been shattered but I have to go on.
What I will say is that as bad as some days are when I blame myself and feel I have been a failure as a mother, I do not worry about them as I know they are in good hands with God even though I am not a very religious person. They are free of all their own problems and do not have to face the hardships of life in today's world.
I found a lovely poem amongst the things I kept of Stephen's and I read it every time I think of both of them. Someone had given it to me to comfort me back then and it works today so I am going to post it on here for you to read.
Just take care of yourself and don't worry about Sean. He is being take care of, is close to you and loves you always.
Love, Catherine

Aug 09, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

What words do I have,none really to help. My son died going on 9 months,I feel an emptiness I can't describe. We are here and have other children but no one takes that child's place,ever. We will miss them forever. We don't know any world but this one so we are lost .we stumble along daily ......
But must trust the holy God with them.

Aug 09, 2013
by: Wendy, Kyle's Mom

I am so sorry for the loss of your Son. Your daughters are beautiful and I hope they are near you for comfort. I understand your comment of "knowing they are okay". I, too, have prayed for my son to let me know he is okay wherever he is. It has been 4 years for me on this journey but I still wish I knew. One Mom suggested to me that it is possible that we feel so lost because our Sons have experienced something we have not. Not knowing from personal experience can leave a big hole in one's heart. I have no answers except to say I understand your feeling. So hard to accept. I wish you and your daughters all the best on this terrible journey.

Aug 09, 2013
Missing and worried about my son
by: Doreen U.K.

Carol I am so sorry for your loss of your only son Sean to a sudden death. A mom will never get over losing a child/Adult child ever. in time you will just live without him with less pain. I guess it is not knowing if he is safe that leaves you in Limbo. Your son just fell asleep as Jesus says death is but a sleep. When Jesus comes back to earth for us Sean should be raised up with a new body and his same Spirit with his character in his new body and He will be perfect as we were meant to be before sin entered this world and created Death.
Sean is at peace now and you need to find your own way to live without your son and be at Peace for yourself and your 2 daughter's. But this takes time. There is no easy or fast way to grieve and get over this awful pain of loss. Every day the pain should get less. You may be holding onto your pain as a way of holding onto Sean. This is not fair to yourself. WE are all struggling to find our way out of grief so we can bear our loss and move forward. But this is different for everyone. It depends on FOCUS. Try and find a new FOCUS for your life that will bring meaning and value to you and your daughter's. Give of yourself to a cause in Sean's name that will leave you feeling better about life and the thought that Sean is not suffering anymore.
God say's in the book of Ecclesiastes "The day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth because man is born unto sorrow. Actually death is a release from the sorrow we all bear whilst we live in a fallen world. The world will be restored and Jesus will come back and make all things right. Till then we walk with Jesus and let him comfort and strengthen us each day and help us with our sorrow and grief. There is a better day coming and this HOPE will keep us going to the end. May God comfort and strengthen you and your family in the days and months ahead and help you through your sorrow and grief.

Aug 09, 2013
i am so sorry,
by: gaynel diamond

82 days ago my 37 year old son name, Bradley C. Ryan passed away. Bradley has 3 daugthers and one brother, Bradley lived alone and wanted a scooter so he could he could get around, so on may 1st 2013 i helped him get one. my boyfriend has a scooter to so we would go for rides together. then on may 17th the worst day of my life he rode to my house just a 2 minute ride and said, i am going to grandma,s house to visit her and wash my scooter and i will be right back. i said okay see you in a few, be careful, he said oh mom i will. so i came in the house to watch tv until he came back. well i have a scanner. so about 6 minutes later i hear bad scooter accident east oolitic road and i knew it was him. so right away i knew it was Bradley, i called my mother and asked her if Bradley was there, she said no. i hung up and called bedford medical center and ask if there was someone there by the name of Bradley ryan. the lady said yes honey who is this, i said Bradleys mom. she said honey hurry but please be careful. i rushed to the hospital ran to the window and said may i see my son, she said no there are 15 to 20 doctors working on him. my heart sunk. she said take a seat someone will be out to talk to you. it seemed like forever had gone when i went back to the window and asked to see him again, only to hear i am sorry honey not yet please take a set someone will be out to talk to you. so i had just started to set down when the er doors opened up, thank god i said and started to go though the door when a doctor grabbed me and said honey please sit down, as i melted into the chair she said i am sorry your son is gone. to this day i don,t believe it. we were so close. we hung out together almost every day. i thought he was coming back and so did he so there was no i love you, no hugs as we always di as we parted ways. i feel like i am in a nightmare and cant wake, i dont know what to do with my days now without him. we were going to do some things at my moms to make her house look good like trim her yard cut down some trees stuff like that. so i am still doing it and i hope he is there with me because i cant stop. my hands are all cut up from working but i dont care. i just hate life now. just go through the motions of life every knowing every day that passes i am closer to being with bradley. i cry all the time and worry all they time as if he is ok. i pray every night to get some kind of sign to let me know he is ok, but i guess god is mad at me for helping him get the scooter. serves me right. broken hearted for ever.
broken he

Aug 08, 2013
Sorry for your loss
by: Rebekah Arnold

I lost my Identical twin sister the 19 th of November 2011, she was in a bad car accident going to work the night of the 14th she ,lived until the morning if the 19 th , my life was changed forever ! I feel half empty as she was my other half , we shared everything from the moment of conception . I understand the pain, worrying, feeling broken you are feeling . I wish I could tell you it gets easier , I still cry when I mention her name, talk about her, see pics of her, I have been told it does get tolerable, not easier but you learn to live with the pain and feelings if being lost. Grief is different for everyone , once again I am so very sorry and wish you peace .

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