missing David

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missing David

by Theresa
(west monroe, la)

my husband David had a massive heart attack at age 50 in his sleep. I tried to revive him but they told me that there was no use. after the ENT's worked on him all the way to the hospital.
I lost my husband Dec. 29, 2010 and his mother 2 weeks later. Last Monday I was informed that my brother walked in on a home burglary and was murdered. I am trying to cope but I have a 5 year old and its so hard too stay upbeat for him. good intentioned people keep saying the rudest things trying to help. time heals, you will move on with someone else. Sometimes I want to scream at them. my life was planned out and when my husband died so did my hopes and dreams. if I have a good day I feel like its betraying him. I have always been the strong one but now I just feel helpless. I thought I was managing pretty well but losing my brother as bad as that is has made me go into a tailspin missing David. I won't glorify him by saying he was perfect. He was grumpy in the mornings and spoiled but I am grumpy in the evenings so it all evens out. I have never understood people that take their own life but lately I can understand what that pain feels like. (not suicidal tho) No one in my life knows this pain. Its unlike any loss I have ever known I am so tired of hearing that I need to just have faith and time heals all wounds.I dont know if I am gonna make it through this. I smile to everyone and then get home and fall apart. Any advice from anyone facing this road I'm on?

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missing David

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I am so sorry for your loss and feel your pain.
by: Kelly in Florida

Theresa, I know what you are going through. I feel your same pain and it is consuming. It must be so much harder for you having a younger child. I am so glad that I found this website, even though I can only read a little at a time because it hurts so deeply. I wish I could give you a big hug. At 3:12 am this morning I will have lost my Paul 6 weeks to a massive heart attack. The helplessness and sadness of not having been able to bring them back is so very hard. Especially at night. I will keep you and your child in my prayers. We all can use many of them. Take care of yourself and try to eat and get rest. I'm a fine example though, because I have lost over 25 lbs. in 6 weeks. But I am taking vitamins, B12 shots, and iron. God Bless You and Your Family

Missing Joe.....Life Goes On
by: TrishJ

Theresa,
I hear you. None of my friends have lost their husbands. They say they understand but they don't. They try to be here for me but they don't understand when I cancel out on them at the last minute because I wake up with not enough strength to get out of bed.
The pain is deep. Time does NOT heal the pain. Time only lets us adjust to it and learn to live with it. The pain is never healed so please don't expect that. It's been 8 months since my husband died. People can be very cruel but it's usually only out of ignorance. Until it happens to you one has no idea. It's hard for friends and family to understand why we just can't pick ourselves up, put a smile on our face and go on. I said in another post here that the only thing I can think of that would be worse than losing my husband is never having him in my life at all. Grief is the price we pay for the love we enjoyed. The deeper the love the more painful the grief.
Please come to this site as often as you need to. You will find wonderful support here.
God Bless.

Missing David
by:

Theresa,

All of us here have walked the grief road that you now walk.
I can only imagine the pain you feel with your brothers death and understand how it brings the pain back from your husband death.

There are constant reminders at first that spark our grief an make the walls tumble down again. Later, oh Much Later those same reminders are fleeting and we are able to remember our loved ones with a fond memory and a smile.

Please do not feel guilty when you have a good day. It is absolutely not disrespectful of them and in fact is what they wish as they look down and check on us.

I lost my husband Dec of 09 and I am just now healing trying to live "My Life" this so called "New life" that we are supposed to eventually embrace. The healing comes with getting to know yourself and growing, rediscovering yourself al over again as in puberty. Quite painful yet necessary.

As I embrace this new independence I leave behind the old life and the person that I will never be again it finally brings a smile to my face inviting the future instead of dreading it as I have for so long.

Keep coming here keep talking the people here have the skills of listening and empathy because we have all walked the grief walk, in our own paths our own ways yet we understand as no one can.
Friends family they try but tire of it, we will always be here to listen and catch you when you fall.
HH.

Florida
by: Judy

Theresa,

There are many of us here who have traveled the same road you are on and we are here to support you and cheer you on.

I am so sorry you had to have this experience so young, but age does not change the nature of the loss. All those well meaning people who are giving you asinine advice just don't have a clue what your pain and loss is like. They can't possibly know since they are not you. Unfortunately advice like this is cheap and true understanding rare. We can give that to you here without judgment and with understanding. You can say whatever you are thinking here and one of us will understand perfectly because we've been there.

There's no way to hurry this process of grief, you have to let it go at it's own pace. Concentrate on getting yourself through each day as it comes, don't worry about long term plans for now and put your energy into yourself and your son.

Talk aloud to David if it helps, cry, scream, or look for counseling if you need it. Sleep with his shirt if it feels good. Do whatever you need to do to. (I've done all of these things.) Gradually life will get better, we promise.

Meanwhile we are here on this unwelcome road, cheering you along. Come back to us often because we really get it.

JM

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missing David