Missing Forever

by Devon R.
(Pleasant Hill, CA )

Either fourteen or fifteen years ago; since September 10th, 1999, I lost my mom when I was either 18 or 19 years old. For me, it was tragic because she had suddenly lost her life back then. She was so young and I had all these thoughts in my mind and feeling so weird about being angry at her because she died. I thought that God didn't like what I did in the past, which was like, not studying since I chose a college far away after I graduated from High School in New York City. I loved her so very much and I think that I must have taken her for granted because she held my sweet 16 party, and also in the past when she used to work and couldn't take care for my 2 brothers and I, she would try to find a baby-sitter to take care of us everyday. Since I was having a problem with taking care of my rash which was all over my body, she used to go out of her way and send me from skin-doctor to skin-doctor only to notice that I had ecxema. She helped me to pay books for school, helped me with PAYING for college and I remember seeing her exercising once I got home from school and she was always looking for work whenever she got laid-off. She was a great mother to me and I loved her so much that I could have done something special for her in the past before her demise. After coming home from an interview so she could obtain a job, she would be the only person I would see each afternoon and we would watch judge shows on t.v. together. Then for three weeks only, she was able to head over to Germany and though I begged her since I wanted to go with her, she said "No"... But, I was so very excited when she came back home, especially since at that point, I never ever liked my dad at all because he was extremely strict with me and my two brothers. Down to this day, I still cry for Mom because she was ALWAYS there for me and now, I am still struggling with the fact that she's long gone by now, but NOW, I am questioning myself because my friend Emily has her mom Kathie come every Sat to talk to me about the Bible... Jahovah's witnesses and I don't want them to stop teaching me about GOD because my dad taught me and I am a CHRISTIAN, believing in Jesus Christ who saved my life and healed (my belief) me from my illness I had in the past with my skin. It's so weird living in California now without her and I don't know if I will see her and reunite with her if I pass away as well. I have no pictures featuring her because all I wanted to do is basically forget about her existance as if I never had a mother before. And, I know that I will NEVER get over her although she took me places and helped me out like doing things for me... All I want to do is remember her though she suddenly died and I just feel like I died just like her. (In a figurative way.) -D.R. p.s: She even bought my graduating ring which I don't have, but she also set up with dresses for both my prom and graduation. I miss her so much and she won't be around for my future so that's it, I guess. God decided to take mom home and I can't do anything about it. It will be like a thorn in my side forever until I can hopefully see her again someday.

Comments for Missing Forever

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Nov 16, 2012
Missing Forever
by: Doreen U.K.

Devon I am so sorry for your loss of your mother and how you are feeling so LOST without her in your life. It is hard losing a mother at any age. We never outgrow our mothers. They nurture us and do everything for us beyond the call of duty. They go the extra mile for us. When we grow up we want to be just like them. Most of the time We do. You will be able to pass on what your mother taught you. Mothers enjoy doing what they do for their children. They do it spontaneously and don't ask for anything in return. It is yours by birthright. I am so happy that you know God and are learning more and more about him. You will know then that you will see your mom again when Jesus comes back. This is our HOPE and you must hold onto this FOREVER. It is what is going to get us through our grief and loss of our loved one.
I hope that you have some supportive family and friends to walk through life with you and help you through your grief. Life will get better for you in the days ahead it is just going to take some time for you to get back your life and be able to LIVE again, only in a different way where you will HONOUR your mother's memory and all she stood for in your life.

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