by Devon R.
(Pleasant Hill, CA )
Either fourteen or fifteen years ago; since September 10th, 1999, I lost my mom when I was either 18 or 19 years old. For me, it was tragic because she had suddenly lost her life back then. She was so young and I had all these thoughts in my mind and feeling so weird about being angry at her because she died. I thought that God didn't like what I did in the past, which was like, not studying since I chose a college far away after I graduated from High School in New York City. I loved her so very much and I think that I must have taken her for granted because she held my sweet 16 party, and also in the past when she used to work and couldn't take care for my 2 brothers and I, she would try to find a baby-sitter to take care of us everyday. Since I was having a problem with taking care of my rash which was all over my body, she used to go out of her way and send me from skin-doctor to skin-doctor only to notice that I had ecxema. She helped me to pay books for school, helped me with PAYING for college and I remember seeing her exercising once I got home from school and she was always looking for work whenever she got laid-off. She was a great mother to me and I loved her so much that I could have done something special for her in the past before her demise. After coming home from an interview so she could obtain a job, she would be the only person I would see each afternoon and we would watch judge shows on t.v. together. Then for three weeks only, she was able to head over to Germany and though I begged her since I wanted to go with her, she said "No"... But, I was so very excited when she came back home, especially since at that point, I never ever liked my dad at all because he was extremely strict with me and my two brothers. Down to this day, I still cry for Mom because she was ALWAYS there for me and now, I am still struggling with the fact that she's long gone by now, but NOW, I am questioning myself because my friend Emily has her mom Kathie come every Sat to talk to me about the Bible... Jahovah's witnesses and I don't want them to stop teaching me about GOD because my dad taught me and I am a CHRISTIAN, believing in Jesus Christ who saved my life and healed (my belief) me from my illness I had in the past with my skin. It's so weird living in California now without her and I don't know if I will see her and reunite with her if I pass away as well. I have no pictures featuring her because all I wanted to do is basically forget about her existance as if I never had a mother before. And, I know that I will NEVER get over her although she took me places and helped me out like doing things for me... All I want to do is remember her though she suddenly died and I just feel like I died just like her. (In a figurative way.) -D.R. p.s: She even bought my graduating ring which I don't have, but she also set up with dresses for both my prom and graduation. I miss her so much and she won't be around for my future so that's it, I guess. God decided to take mom home and I can't do anything about it. It will be like a thorn in my side forever until I can hopefully see her again someday.