Missing Gary-the love of my life

by Sharon
(Yucca, AZ )

It's been almost 4 months now. People say I'm coping and some have really been here for me. It's funny. Perfect strangers have been more supportive to me than his family or mine. Everyone wants me to be okay. I put on a good show, but in the mornings and evenings the mask comes off. I miss Gary so much, I cry without tears and the sounds I make don't even sound human. Sometimes, I feel like I am going mad and the depth of my pain is so unbearable. I'm exhausted from keeping active, and trying to cope. They say to keep moving and eventually I will start to feel better.... when?

Comments for Missing Gary-the love of my life

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Nov 11, 2011
I feel the same about my true love
by: k

I too just lost my true love last week, your words are my words, its hard to talk to my friends, True love is hard to find, I never thought I would find it. knowing you feel the same, in some strange way helps, thank you for your post. As my friends I'm sure love their husbands, never speak of them being their true love, where as I wanted everyone who'd listen to know. I'm not even sure I want the sadness to leave.....

Oct 26, 2011
Missing the love of your life
by: Mari

I am very sorry for your loss.You need to give it more time, Sharon, as 4 months is not very long since your loss. . There will be all the feelings you describe but grief has to be gone through. Take things a day at a time. It is rather a gradual process. We are here for you. Gradually you will find yourself coping better.

My husband passed away Nov 22 2009. I am much better but still have sad moments. In the beginning I remember just starting to cry at work. It was difficult.
Now I am truly better but still miss that man. We went through a lot together with him being sick.
A lot happened in the past 2 years. I am beginning to be truly on my own. I have kept myself busy by redoing the house and and working.I also have a bunch of grandchildren and my parents 84 and 85 who encourage me. The great grand baby has been a true blessing.
Anyway I still have my moments and I still miss him. You will get better believe me. Give it time. Be sure to stay active and if you feel like crying just cry.God is always with you. Keep posting.We care.

Oct 26, 2011
Thank you
by: Sharon

All your comments help so much. Thank you. Tomorrow, Gary and I would have been going out to our favorite restaurant to celebrate our Anniversary. I don't know what I'll do instead.

Oct 25, 2011
Missing your love
by: Judy


Four months is a very short time. People who think or say you ought to be over it by now don't know what they're talking about and should be hushed. Mostly what they are saying really is your grief is making me uncomfortable please stop so I won't be uncomfortable. Well, nuts to them. Grief goes where it will and takes you with it. You'll get better in your time and no one elses.

My Love has been gone for almost 2 years. The whole first year and a good chunk of the second I was fuzzy of thought, delicate of emotion and felt pretty much out of control. That does get better-by about 18 months I was pretty good. During this time I experienced every emotion, deep loneliness, anger, despair and somehow I came through it all. Gradually I began to feel emotions again, color crept back into my life and I began to again take pleasure and find joy in the things I've always loved . But I am a changed person now, I am tougher, stronger and, I also fear, not willing to let anyone close enough to hurt me. Maybe that was a not so good change. I encourage you to look back over our posts and see how we moved along. You are among friends here and in this unwilling sisterhood and we are all here to support you and each other.


Oct 25, 2011
I am so very sorry for your lost
by: Anonymous

It has been 10 months since I lost my twin brother of 41. About 1 month ago I thought I was really losing my mind. I kneeled down and said my prayers and asked for help. In about 15 minutes later I came to this website. I thought wow I am not losing my mind. I too this day dread the mornings and nights, cause my brother I did so much in those times. My family really hasn't been there they say i need to move on. I realize this will take time for me to deal with. I know now I won't see my twin on this earth again, or until I pass on that is what hurts the most. I am saying to you take your time with your lost. Gary is looking at you from heaven and wants you to be happy, and not sad. He is now sharing his eternal life with all those who went before him. We the ones left behind need to realize they are not gone forever just for right now. I find strangers have been there for me more then any other in my family, except for my mom, her and I share the lost very hard. Take time and realize he is always with and wants you to enjoy your life, and remember it is the love he showed you that you pass on to others that keeps him alive with you. I will keep you and Gary in my daily prayers. God Bless and I pray your pain, of loss will be lessen everyday and replaced with joy of his new eternal Life.

Oct 25, 2011
So sorry, I know you miss him so
by: Anonymous

It's going to take some time. Grief is so personal and unique. But the one thing in common that we all have is taking it one day at a time, realizing that there will be days where we just can't stop crying and some that are o.k. Down the road there will be a few good days I promise...Usually one step forward two steps back. And as far as trying to figure where you are in grief the stages of grief get all messed up and sometimes you swear your at the beginning, but hang in there. Its not an easy road to travel. And feels like an emotional rollercoaster ride that we all want off of. I do not mean to discourage you but 4 months is just getting started. Have you looked into grief groups at hospice? I find that here on this site gave me the most comfort others who knew where I was coming from. You really can speak your heart with no repercussions. You are safe here...

Oct 25, 2011
Missing Joe....the love of my life
by: TrishJ

It's been almost 11 months since I lost my husband Joe. I would drive in the car by myself and cry. My voice didn't even sound human to me when I would scream over and over, "I want my husband back. I can't do this!!"
We grieve so hard because we loved so deeply. I don't miss and grieve for my husband any less after 11 months. Some days I feel like it gets worse. I just keep going.
Everybody grieves differently. Some wonderful women on this site have assured me that things do get better. We have to just take it one day at a time and do the best we can. We have to love ourselves and be patient.
My daughter got married a few weeks ago without her dad to walk her down the aisle. I made it through the day but just barely. It should've been such a joyous occasion but all I was focused on was getting by and not embarrassing my daughter in front of everyone. Everyone who says it's time for me to be over this and move on. I'm not ready to move on. I still talk to my husband daily, light a candle for him.
It's funny......the people in my life that I expected to be supportive just aren't. Nobody knows what this feels like until it becomes your reality. It basically sucks.
Take care of yourself and cherish those around you who understand and want to be supportive. I think it does get better in time. Hoping for peace for all of us widows.
God bless. Hugs to you.

Oct 25, 2011
Such A Short time
by: Judith in California

Sharon, four months and they expect you to be better? Really! Tell them outright you will take your time to grieve as often as you want where whenever you need. No one can nor should they try to rush you along. You owe them nothing but you owe it to yourself the right to feel and be however you need to be. They don't get it and it's alright because until they go through it they will never understand. Forgive them their ignorance.

It's been a year and two months for me and I still grieve weekly even tho I go out and eat and go to a movie or go dancing because I miss him being with me to do like WE used to do.

Someone told me they thought I should get on with it and I told them politely not to dictate to me how or what I should be doing or feeling because I just can't get over 35 1/2 years of loving someone and the togetherness we shared in such a short time.

God give you the strength to move forward as you cope with this horrible roller coaster ride of grief.

Oct 25, 2011
Beloved Gary
by: Geoffrey Campbell

How short your letter, yet how beautifully it expresses your love for Gary, and the picture of Gary is so warm, he looks so much like my Grandfather, who I loved so much. Your words were so poignant that they immediately caused me to weep for you, so that my body shook. I thought to myself, this poor woman, and yet so rich to have had this beloved jewel in her life, a jewel that is only temporarily lost, that one day she will see again. I am always moved whenever I find people like you and Gary, I never stop to wonder and think, oh, if only I could have someone to love, to care for, someone who needed me. (I am extremely shy in real life, but I have prayed for countless hours that I might have a wife, I have fast and prayed with tears, and now I am in the autumn of my life) But this letter is about you, I think you were blessed beyond words to have had Gary in your life, and we have this blessed hope, that one day you will see his loving face, and hear his loving words greet you, never to part ever again! Your friend in Scranton Pennsylvania, USA PS I just lost my Father this week, the greatest man I ever knew.

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