Missing Gil

by Michelle
(Wilmington, DE, USA)

On January 21, 2011 Gil passed away in his sleep of Respiratory Failure at the age of 41. He was taking a nap with me. I never actually saw him take his last breath, and I'm glad God spared me that much. The paramedics tried to revive him for over an hour. They said they usually don't try that long. I remember right before he took his nap he said "I love you Chel". I said "I love you too babe". For some reason he grabbed my face and said "No I REALLY love you forever, I want you to know that". I know why now. My heart breaks without him. I met him after my divorce 4 years later, and he was a good man. I cannot ever replace him. We were together for 5 years. We never set a wedding date because I was trying to finish my nursing degree, and he had one appointment after another. I never thought he'd actually die though. The week before he had a heart study done and they called him the day after and told him they needed to see him in the office. I told him that something was really wrong for them to call so soon. I also said "You know Gilbert if you have a heart attack your not going to make it right" and he said he knew. (Gil had a 20 year history of drug abuse) and I helped clean him up. (It took me 2 years to do it). The week he died he thanked me for it, and I said no baby it was all you. The day before he died was a great day and I wrote him a love letter and he cried when he read it. I'm glad I wrote that letter now, because in a way I got a chance to say goodbye. My life will never be the same without him. I'm glad God gave me the 5 years he did with him, and I can't wait til it's my turn to meet him again.

Comments for Missing Gil

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Aug 15, 2011
I'm sorry...
by: Lenora ~ New Mexico

Michelle, I am so sorry about your Gil.

I understand what you are going thru. My Kevin passed on April 30, 2011 at the age of 37. Kevin and I were together for close to (5) years. We too did not set a wedding date...we talked about getting married, but I think we both thought we had more time.

It's great that you both had a chance to say what you wanted to each other. Kevin and I always told each other "I love you" even on the day he left for his fishing trip...the trip he never came home from...I just wish we had more time.

How are you doing, since it's been almost (7) months...I still have difficult times, but I go thru the day to day motions.

I agree that our lives are never the same, once you lose the one you love ~ best wishes to you.

Aug 12, 2011
by: Anonymous

my son died one year ago this month and I too struggle with grief. Today I read something on a grief site that resonated with me and I wanted to share it with you.....

A medieval rabbi, Leon Modena, expressed the truth of prayer as follows: Imagine a man in a boat who is pulling himself to shore. If one did not know better, it could appear that he is pulling the shore to himself. But indeed, it is the one... in the boat who is being moved, because the shore is fixed. So it is, he said, with prayer. We think that when we pray we are moving God closer to our will. But true prayer does quite the opposite: It moves us closer to God's will.

Aug 11, 2011
by: Zoe

You know you healed him, you know he heard you when you told him you loved him, you know he is with you now.
This journey through grief is so shocking to the soul. A wedding date is irrelevant, you were one, he was your soul mate.
as you move through your journey of grief, come here when you need too. Know that we understand, we do not judge and we are always here.
So when it is the middle of the night and you need to reach out, we will be here with you.
and when it is very hard
one breath, one step, one day at a time.

Aug 11, 2011
missing him
by: Judith in California

Michelle, what a wonderful but painful love story. It has touched me deeply. My heart goes out to you for your loss. It's truly a blessing he and you had those loving moments to say what you really felt so you don't have to wish you had them like a lot of us. Please take care of you now and may you find peace and acceptance.

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