Missing Gil

by Michelle
(Wilmington, DE, USA)

On January 21, 2011 Gil passed away in his sleep of Respiratory Failure at the age of 41. He was taking a nap with me. I never actually saw him take his last breath, and I'm glad God spared me that much. The paramedics tried to revive him for over an hour. They said they usually don't try that long. I remember right before he took his nap he said "I love you Chel". I said "I love you too babe". For some reason he grabbed my face and said "No I REALLY love you forever, I want you to know that". I know why now. My heart breaks without him. I met him after my divorce 4 years later, and he was a good man. I cannot ever replace him. We were together for 5 years. We never set a wedding date because I was trying to finish my nursing degree, and he had one appointment after another. I never thought he'd actually die though. The week before he had a heart study done and they called him the day after and told him they needed to see him in the office. I told him that something was really wrong for them to call so soon. I also said "You know Gilbert if you have a heart attack your not going to make it right" and he said he knew. (Gil had a 20 year history of drug abuse) and I helped clean him up. (It took me 2 years to do it). The week he died he thanked me for it, and I said no baby it was all you. The day before he died was a great day and I wrote him a love letter and he cried when he read it. I'm glad I wrote that letter now, because in a way I got a chance to say goodbye. My life will never be the same without him. I'm glad God gave me the 5 years he did with him, and I can't wait til it's my turn to meet him again.